Jake of All Trades (Formerly TeenAuthor's SQB)

David Bowie's Space Oddity

2008-05-09T17:16:00.001-07:00

David Bowie is most often remembered for this song. There are plenty of other songs he's done that are better in my opinion, but Space Oddity is his most famous and popular track for many.

David Bowie is sometimes called "the chameleon of rock" because of his ability to predict and set trends in popular music, adjusting himself accordingly.

I Shook the Hand of Gaiman as he Smiled

2008-05-06T03:55:00.000-07:00

So I went to the Neil Gaiman book talk and signing. I think he liked me not just because he saw my Good Omens copy already signed by Terry Pratchett, ready for him to make his mark, but because I treated him as a man, not a god.

He's really not a god, contrary to what you'd believe from what he writes. He's just a bloke doing his job, which he loves doing. And he likes it when he encounters people who remind him of this fact. I talked to him a little, joking about why he couldn't make the Sandman cure my insomnia. He smiled, and said "Ah, you know. Us Authors aren't obligated to do anything. It's what you do with your time awake that matters"

I told him "I write books in the night, when I wake up there's whole chapters written". He looked at me, gentle and understanding. Perhaps he saw a little bit of himself in me. Not the talent part, the staying up late writing part. I'd never be as pretentious to say he saw his talent in me, even if he did, that would be a private trust between makers of worlds. I cannot say that he was blown away by me. But he at least regarded me as a fellow craftsman. That I know to be true. It was the tone in his voice, the weariness. I knew he had lived longer than I had, he was more experienced.

Gaiman is not a mythical bard, or a tale spinning imp. He is a man. And he never denies this. Even when people suggest he is a god, he laughs it off. There are few men who deny their divinity, embracing humble humanity. It isn’t just the way he writes that makes people love the man. It’s how he treats his fellow man that really counts, in the end. You can write like Shakespeare and yet be despised, if you are a hateful wretch who is drunk on fame.

I shook his hand, tonight, as I write this I am home at my keyboard. It is like many nights I have typed through. But I did not leave that bookshop unchanged. I imagine he probably wasn’t changed, but he liked my teacher Ms. Pryor’s sympathies and my own sympathies with him, as he self-depreciatingly bemoaned: “There’s so many people here tonight. I’m going to be so tired…”. If he changed at all, he may have found more of his humanity. No matter how many books on Heaven and Hell he writes, he’ll never be an Angel or a Demon. He’s just another sinner like the rest of us.

* * * * *

I beat my first Video Game ever (and other updates)

2008-05-04T04:49:00.000-07:00

For those of you still reading this:

I beat Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney this past week. It is the first video game I have ever finished entirely, including bonus missions. It's rather amusing to think I actually pulled it off.

In other news:

1) I'll be going to see Neil Gaiman at Books Kinokuniya on Tuesday. Hopefully I can get my copy of Good Omens that was signed by Terry Pratchett signed by him as well, making it twice as valuable.

2) I finally "get" Michael Ondaatje's work. This will help me in no end in the upcoming "seminar" task for school.

3) If you were expecting some insightful essays in the last weeks, you'll have to wait for those. For now I'm going to focus on delivering updates on my life.

4) Speaking of Neil Gaiman, he added me on Last.fm, turns out he likes Leonard Cohen and The Clash too.

5) My friend's film, "Brain-freeze" is 98% certain to be made. Good for him!

6) I discovered Judas Priest, now one of my favorite metal bands.

7) Review of Peter Carey's Wrong About Japan coming soon.

8) I got Nintendo Wi-Fi to work on my DS Lite. I have now out-teched my friend's tech savvy mother who previously schooled me at Final Fantasy III character levels.

9) I will be posting more often here if I can, since the pressure of school is easing a little.

Lulu signed with Amazon (and other matters about my views)

2008-04-07T02:11:00.000-07:00

So this means I can't even boycott Amazon.com. This is interesting.

The only information I have on this is through the Lulu.com forums, so here's the URL:

http://www.lulu.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=90527&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=100

Allow me to announce why I boycott things, and what conditions have to be met when I consider lifting them.

I am an angry young man, at heart, produced by a generation raised on videogames that for the first time allowed a man to shoot another man in the head without harming them in real life. But most of all, I suffer from an anxiety disorder. Put that into perspective, and you understand why it's easy to overreact when there are big corporations possibly looming at me.

I boycott things often, but I give them a chance to redeem themselves. Like Angus & Robinson when they started charging publishers for shelf space, but then apologised. The Bible tells us to love our enemies, even the "holy book" I get my religious inspiration from, William Blake's Songs of Innocence and Experience, gives a message of universal love and forgiveness. That's all very well to say, but I've only known one person ever who can regularly put love and forgiveness into practice, and her rays of sunshine put us all to shame. I speak of course of a Christian girl who is the real thing, and I wish her well in her life.

Even when Germaine Greer called me a "conscientious eccentric", I may have misinterpreted her words as scorn because she usually associates eccentrics with Cambridge dons who wouldn't teach women back in the 1960s. So Germaine, I must forgive you also, because I owe God a few favours for ones he's given me (not just salvation, but a variety of minor miracles such as me not missing public transport, rain delay so I don't get wet before I get home, as well as the simple joys of a party well organised).

Now what happens when corporations irritate me? I boycott them until I get a conformation that they're less evil having heard the voice of the people.

The hardest thing an intellectual man can do is admit that he is wrong about something. I might not agree with everybody, but the silly grudge of my copy of Stephen King's On Writing arriving several months late from Amazon.com is nothing to base a revolution on. And I admit that when I posted my previous blog entry, I did not have all the facts. Nobody in the early days of a blogger frenzy does.

But I stick by one of my old philosophies, which I recall writing down as a boy about to become a man. "If someone can help you become who you want to be, make an agreement with them, though they look villainous, that's what they said about Japanese people, and look how far they've come in the world, they gave us Astro Boy and Iron Chef! When you are small, a big fish may just as quickly befriend you as eat you".

These words may sound silly, but I was a silly young man back then with silly ideals. But the way I look at things changes, ever so slightly, over the years. I am not an Elf, no matter how many Fantasy books I read, I can never be one. Eternal Youth is not what is written in wrinkles on your face, but your actions and glee.

I just hope I don't get in a panic again for quite some time.

- Jacob Martin
AKA Jake Of All Trades

Amazon.com have gone mad

2008-04-06T21:34:00.000-07:00

The hyperlink is not working here. I will have to use a manual URL:

http://www.bloggernews.net/114844

This will not stand.

As a POD (print on demand) author myself, this is trouble. What annoys me most of all is that I once considered it possible that I might sell my books on Amazon.com, but now I don't think that's going to happen.

I'm going to boycott them. The only way you can stop a beast like this is to stop feeding it. I will take my business elsewhere, simple as that. I'm sure Gleebooks in Glebe and Kinokuniya in the Sydney CBD deserve my support more than ever.

- Jacob Martin
AKA Jake Of All Trades

Faster than a Speeding Bullet Reviews: Ratatouille

2008-03-22T05:34:00.000-07:00

Ratatouille is a decent movie. Some reviewers compare the film to a good dish, but since I know nothing about food, I just eat it to live, it is fortunate that this film is accessible to those unfamiliar with the culinary lingo. Since this is a film made by Disney/Pixar, it's not surprising why this is. Though what is surprising is the sophistication of the film, adults will probably enjoy it on a much more developed level than kids will.

It's not sickeningly cute either. Some elements of the film are very dark, darker than most Pixar films: the link between Humans and rat traps/poison represented would be a bit of a shock to kids expecting the whole film to be a simple talking cute animal flick. Yes, the film is about a talking rat, but there are some very real dangers and hazards presented by Remy's quest to transcend his position as a rat in order to cook.

The ending isn't too sappy either. You think they're going to get away with locking the ex-chef and health inspector in the larder, but hey, everything works out, even though the result of rats in the kitchen is clearly represented as a downer for reputation once brought to the open. The love story is far less sappy and more believable than most Disney film romance subplots are too, the female cook love interest is no doormat, if she's unhappy, she will let the main man know it. Score one for realistic relationships, no wilting here, just a sweetness that isn't too sugary.

You don't have to be a connoisseur of fine food to enjoy this film, but after seeing this you may well want to become one. I give it Five Stars out of Five.

Handheld Games I Loved and Cherished

2008-03-17T18:29:00.000-07:00

I like handheld games a lot better than TV plug in console ones because of the way I can not only cart them around with me, but they're also easier to use for my motor skills challenged hands. For years, I struggled with playing video games, until I discovered a little game for the Game Boy called Pokemon Red and Blue. Then my brother got a Game Boy Colour, and from there I loved handhelds.

Not just Game Boy handheld games either. Never forget that my youth in the 1990s heralded many handheld innovations. Like the Tamagotchi. (Or however you spell it).

Tamagotchis as well as the highly popular Digimon, as I remember it, were a highly enjoyable subgenre of handheld game called the "Virtual Pet" craze. Let me put this into context. Many kids I knew when I was in primary school were not allowed to have pets in their house, so they turned to virtual alternatives to prove they could at least keep something alive for more than a week. Parents missed the point of these things, and thus disregarded their offspring's attempts at responsible pet ownership through a video game, when they were denied a pet of their own in real life.

Also available was the Pocket Pikachu, which could interact with your Game Boy Pokemon games in some way I can't remember. Digimon virtual pets could battle each other, and successive versions of the Digimon were more powerful than the ones that came before it, so, a generation began to consume electronics like no other generation before.

But back to the Game Boy. When I was a kid these things were status symbols, and those who did not have one looked on as the lucky bastard who had enough money to own both versions of the original Pokemon played on a small screen. Not that we got teased if we didn't have one of course. Smarter, and more compassionate kids, realised that if he was going to trade Pokemon he would need more friends who had Game Boys to trade and battle with. So by letting other children watch him play the game, a chap could influence his friends to get one for their birthday or Christmas.

I didn't actually own a Pokemon game until Pokemon Crystal came out, because my parents didn't spoil me and my brother very much. This meant we appreciated our electronics more. Pokemon waned in popularity as kids like us grew older, turning to other non-computer game entertainments such as DragonBall Z for our morning cartoons. But that didn't mean handhelds went away with it. And those who have been following gaming will know that Pokemon is making a comeback (God forbid).

But what came next? What would fill the void of handheld gaming after the Game Boy Colour? In a gaming magazine one day I discovered it: The Game Boy Advanced. Now this was particularly interesting. The screen was bigger, and it had L and R buttons on it for some reason. It also had quite a few games which appealed to older gamers who had long since given up "catching them all" with Pokemon games. Stuff like Advance Wars, and Fire Emblem. The occasional RPG was made for it. Golden Sun remains one of my favorite RPGs, though I never finished it, I'm sad to say. And just before you thought you'd never see another Pokemon game again, they made more Pokemon games for the GBA, with more features than before. Really it was getting silly. But for some reason, even young men in their middle teens still played these new Pokemon offerings. They played those while I was busy farming on Harvest Moon: Friends of Mineral Town.

And it got even more ridiculous. The Game Boy Advanced SP came out with a backlit screen, because people complained that the original Game Boy Advanced had a screen that was too dark, and you had to buy a light accessory to see the damned game you were playing. I never owned a SP for good reason. I liked the design of the original GBA and I wasn't going to shell out 200 bucks for a new system when I could easily buy more games for that much money.

This was long before DS Lites and PlayStation Portables and what have you. So back then, 2D graphics on a handheld was impressive. But my generation should always remember we came from the dark ages (in some cases literally, like the GBA Screen) of consumer electronics to see the innovations of the future. Kurt Cobain never saw a PSP, Alec Guinness never played a DS Lite. If you live longer than both these people and yet still see the wonders of technology advancing, you should be even more grateful for that.

Matters Concerning my Encounter with Germaine Greer

2008-03-16T02:15:00.000-07:00

Oh man. I've posted controversial blog entries before, but nothing I have previously posted can compare to the sheer provocativeness you are about to read...

This, is Germaine Greer:

And I went to the NSW Teacher's Conference Center book talk (organised by Gleebooks) to see what she had to say.

Her lecture was good. She had some original concepts to grapple with, her new book Shakespeare's Wife sounds interesting, and her side topics she talked about were as relevant as ever.

But quite a few things angered me somewhat about Greer when I stepped up to ask a question at Q & A, she said that "I will only let a woman ask the first question, not a man" (there was one man in front of me at the time), before remarking "And certainly not a BOY!".

I was the only young man my age there. Because I was a young man she referred to me as a "BOY!", which is rather insulting in itself, but more so was her remark that "You look like you're up to mischief" when I attempted to ask the question "What would you say to a young man who wants to repair the sad and sorry state of his gender, when all we have to look to for inspiration is Fight Club?"

She then said "You look to me like you are a conscientious eccentric", and "Do you really only have Fight Club to look to for inspiration?" as she raised her eyebrow. Because I was too intimidated to answer, she claimed "You seem to also want to take up as much time as possible, next question", before even answering my question properly.

She just didn't take me seriously. Not only because of my gender, but because of my age. Greer refers to Cambridge Dons who won't agree with women's intellectual life as "schoolboys". This is particularly telling, since it appears she thinks schoolboys lack the ability to do more than cause trouble at intellectual events, and the ability to have a rich intellectual life at all.

I was singled out for being a young man, because I was the only young man my age there. If I was older I might have been taken seriously, but I doubt it.

Makes you wonder whether this women's liberation supporter believes men deserve equality as well, doesn't it?

My Bone to Pick with "Breakfast at Tiffany's"

2008-03-12T01:04:00.001-07:00

Audrey Hepburn may be remembered as the classiest women of all time, but that aside, as far as I remember, she plays a pretty annoying character in Breakfast At Tiffany's.

And don't say I hate romantic movies because I'm a man. That's just stereotyping. The reason why I didn't like Breakfast at Tiffany's was because having seen Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady previously, I expected far less gold-digging behaviour on Audrey's part in a movie with her in it.

Make no mistake, she acts well and is pretty, and talented too, but to me the fault may not be with Hepburn but with the role she plays.

It's a very hard to understand movie for a young man. I could barely figure out what was going on most of the time, apart from the Cat and the stereotypical angry Japanese dude played by Mickey Rooney. Audrey Hepburn may have been made famous by this movie, but for some reason I didn't like it. There's probably a lot of undertones my innocent mind of 18 years raised as a gentleman missed, but that's not the only thing I found annoying. The writer dude who courts Holly (Hepburn's character) assumes that he "owns" Holly because he loves her. This smacks of patriarchal ideology to me. I expected Hepburn to be a stronger female lead in this movie than what actually occurs in the film. And the whole glamour thing is alien to me. Considering I barely spend much money on clothes it's easy to see why this might be the case with my interpretation of the film.

I've probably missed the point of the movie completely, but I expected the story to be clearer and more comprehensible than what I got when I came to see this movie at FilmBuffery Club in school.

Two Short Book Reviews: 11th March 2008

2008-03-11T03:03:00.000-07:00

I've found some particularly good books to review, and here they are:

Odd and the Frost Giants is the best Neil Gaiman book I've read in years. His children's fiction ranks very highly alongside J.K. Rowling's in quality, yet he has a very different style, using Norse mythology to weave together a heartwarming tale of a crippled boy who sets out on an adventure to Asgard, but not without help. Gaiman makes the historical harshness of Viking lore appropriate for children, not by censoring himself or talking down to his readers, but simply by pointing out just how silly some elements of Norse life were. A good read for little warriors of all ages.

The Stolen Child is a book I mentioned on my Ten Obscure Books You'll Love list that I posted on this blog earlier on, but the book is so good I'll give it another treatment. Two boys, one Changeling who becomes a Human, and one Human who becomes a Changeling, both lead very different lives after they are switched, and nostalgia for the lives they once had is contrasted with the realities of growing up in the real world. Faeries and their place in the real world is threatened by a loss of the old ways, as childhood comes to an end. Hardly a major analysis of a very deep and philosophical Fantasy novel which probably deserves to have more detail examined, but it now sits among my favorite books on my shelf, forever to be cherished as a classic in my eyes.

Something is rotten in Denmark

2008-03-08T04:03:00.000-08:00

http://www.smh.com.au/news/world/catalogue-of-complaint-as-ikea-walks-all-over-danes/2008/03/07/1204780065667.html

This is terrible. Reading Fight Club makes you guilty enough about resorting to buy IKEA furniture because you can't afford the fancy stuff.

But this is in a league of its own in cultural insensitivity. I just assembled a big fat BILLY bookshelf from IKEA the very day I read this in the paper. Yet every minute I was in the shop, the specter of the news item was troubling me.

- Jacob Martin
AKA Jake of All Trades

Two wrong numbers make a right

2008-03-07T01:52:00.000-08:00

I got a new mobile phone. This can only mean one thing: Recycled phone numbers.

Basically, I found out firsthand how wrong a wrong number can get, to have it resolved by a second wrong number call.

The first was an SMS written by a woman who had been dumped by her boyfriend via SMS. When the phone suddenly rang, playing the new Master of Puppets ringtone I had put on it via USB, little did I know that the shock of what I was about to encounter was far greater than the shock of Metallica suddenly blasting from one's pocket at full volume.

After I read this masterpiece of foul-mouthery, this tour de force of threats of bodily harm, I immediately deleted it from my phone. Somehow I regret doing this, but with a curious mother wondering who called me I had to act fast. To put it simply, it was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life.

Then today, some chap called me looking for a bloke called "Luke". I asked him if he or somebody he was calling on behalf of was responsible for the colourful and eyebrow raising text message I recieved yesterday, after I heard the screaming obscenities of a woman in the background.

In this man's despair, he bluntly put it: "Oh... SHIT!".

Before he hung up, I heard the woman scream "FUCKING KID!".

I know this, I probably wouldn't have liked the events that would have happened if I pointed out the text message went to an 18 year old schoolboy. Oh well, the Universe sorts things out in ways you can't imagine.

- Jacob Martin
AKA Jake of All Trades

Ask not for whom the dice roll, they roll for thee

2008-03-04T17:42:00.000-08:00

http://www.journaltimes.com/articles/2008/03/04/local_news/doc47cd95a012996795923538.txt

Gary Gygax is dead. Yes, he created Dungeons and Dragons, and yes, I never knew him in person. But I have played 3.5 edition of D&D and I loved it.

Is it possible to mourn a man's death never having known him in person?

For me, this isn't something everybody will mourn about, like what happened to Heath Ledger's death and subsequent media circus. Gygax will probably not get a fancy funeral (but he deserves one) and most people I know don't even know his name or what he did for the Fantasy genre games market.

I did not know him, but I played some version of the game that he gave life to. It's like how you can love an author having never met them in person, but you know them from the books they wrote. 3.5 edition D&D was not made by Gygax, but if it wasn't for him, D&D would not exist.

Unlike Heath Ledger, there are no suspicious circumstances to his death. He will get no media circus picking his bones. And this enables the right people to mourn his passing, not out of socially acceptable pity, but out of genuine emotion.

This man's contribution to Fantasy inspired me to write in the genre, and develop my research further than the Monster Manual to see where the many legendary beasts came from. I came across the game at a time in my life where my imagination was prepared to be sparked by something, something I could interact with, not a videogame, but a game purely powered by the imagination. And I thank you for the new direction you set my life in, Gygax. Without you I'd still be writing copy-cat LOTR dreck that I was working on in Year 8 High School.

I never knew you, Gygax, but I will still mourn your death, that came not at the hands of a Beholder or some monster like that, but a more mundane slaying from a medical condition. Maybe a Level 20 Necromancer cast a spell on you, I wouldn't be at all surprised. But it's odd, when you contemplate how simple and mundane the deaths of Fantasy writers and guardians of imagination are.

Terry Pratchett got Alzheimer's earlier this year. He's not dead yet, and is still useful, but we must remember that no mortal creator will live forever, and they must be cherished while they live. Gygax, you'll be rolling d20s in heaven, I know you're doing it right now, you lovable old geek-king.

- Jacob Martin
AKA Jake of All Trades

There once was a man named Professor Wilhelm...

2008-03-02T04:55:00.000-08:00

And I helped him set up his blog.

He'll be arguing with me over his blog posts occasionally. Consider him the alternative voice of my head. You can find his blog on the Interesting Links and Blogs toolbar.

That is all for now.

10 Obscure Books I Know You'll Love

2008-03-02T02:02:00.000-08:00

Sometimes a book looks at you with big puppy dog eyes like the dog in this picture, because it needs to be loved.

You know what I mean. Those old favorites you rescue from second hand bookshops in bulk so you can lend the extra copies to your friends, that they might love the books you love.

I personally have never done this myself, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So I bring you...

Ten Obscure Books I Know You'll Love

10: The Call of Cthulhu and Other Weird Stories by H.P. Lovecraft

Where in Shub-Niggurath's name are the H.P. Lovecraft fans in Australia?

Seriously, there's like, none, where I live. Kinokuniya in the Sydney CBD sells a small collection of Lovecraft paperbacks, yet whenever I see them I know Mr. Lovecraft is weeping in Heaven because Australians don't know who he is, much less read his books. Yes, the racism barrier in some of his stories makes it difficult to enjoy elements of his craft, but we all know the 1920s and 30s were not at all like To Kill A Mockingbird for many Americans. There was the fear of isolation, in a sea of change. The Depression made people unemployed, but also paranoid about anybody foreign who would take a job that was "rightfully theirs". This happened to Lovecraft, and I'm sorry to say the man had flaws. But who doesn't? Even people at my school say pretty racist stuff when nobody is looking. Ian Fleming had his sexism to shame him. Lovecraft's flaw was his now controversial views on the coloured people of the United States, as well as Asians and Native Americans.

This is no excuse for not reading him. He gives you a vision of a world where alien Gods so powerful that they make Humanity look like ants survive in the dark places of the world hidden from modern civilisation. This book I'm mentioning is still in print and reasonably easy to get hold of from Amazon.com or a well stocked bookshop.

9: The Invention of Hugo Cabret by Brain Selznick

This book has gorgeous illustrations that pretty much recommends the book by itself, without me having to do much talking. A picture is worth a thousand words, as it were. This book is about an orphaned boy who finds an automaton, and the mystery of this invention is the focus of the book, as well as the strange toymaker and the girl he looks after. Do read it!

8: With The Light: Vol. 1 by Keiko Tobe

This is a Manga about Autism. Usually I don't recommend this much to people I don't know, because doing so implies I have Autism. I have a form of it, Asperger's Syndrome, but I am high-functioning and nothing like the autistic boy in this Manga in many ways, yet reading this was instrumental to my discovery of who I really am and why I think differently to other humans. It's set in Japan (duh, it's a Manga comic) but the themes it deals with are universal to any country's methods of dealing with autistic people. It presents a strong argument for autistics to be integrated into society rather than being shut away from it. Much more helpful in giving a good understanding of the condition than the abominable The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time.

7: On the Road by Jack Kerouac

Not really an obscure book, but I wish more people my age read it so I could discuss it over tea and biscuits. It's one of those "becoming a man" must-read-when-you're-leaving-teenager-hood books. Needless to say it's a classic travelling book about the Real America. America as you see it today, in my mind, is Not Real America, because of what the government has done to ruin it. Still, America as it is now still has its own beauty, yet the spirit of Sal Paradise and Dean Moriarty roaming the roads like madmen has forever been lost as shopping malls destroy the "Mom and Pop" businesses that remain from a by-gone age. All I can say is: CURSE YOU WAL-MART!

6: The Stolen Child by Keith Donahue

Whoa, I hear you say. A Fantasy book without knights and dragons? This is Urban Fantasy, buckaroo, and it's a dark horse to ride, my Imagination-irritated friends! If you like your Fairies of the Disney variety, read this book. Not because the Faeries of this book will live up to your saccharine poor excuse for Fey Folk memories of Disney pillaging Elfland to feed the entertainment industry, but for a reality check. Most people think that Faeries are twinkly and happy and just for girls who like pretty dresses. Well guess what? Real Faeries are NOT like that. They're so savage and inhuman I'm surprised they don't eat the babies they switch with Changelings. You think a Fantasy book can't teach universal themes? This one will punch you in the face with a story about leaving childhood, which is almost as traumatic and shocking as how leaving childhood really is for anyone. But that doesn't mean this book is a horror to read, it's so readable, it's SCARY!

5: Batman: The Killing Joke by Alan Moore et al

People just don't understand why Heath Ledger's version of The Joker is actually scary compared to the original Batman movie version they remember from their childhood. Alan Moore delivers you a reason why the Joker is absolutely terrifying. His Watchmen is a book I would also recommend, but that's far less obscure than this under-appreciated
classic of Batman lore. This origin story for The Joker has since been written out of continuity by the DC Comics editors, but somehow I think that was a big mistake. I personally liked a more three dimensional Joker who wasn't just an evil clown who laughed at inappropriate times. Sometimes you almost agree with him in this story when he stops and argues about why madness is an acceptable way of dealing with modern life. Almost. And I would have liked a slightly different ending too, yet such is the power of Alan Moore that he makes you understand why he wrote it the way he did. It's just how the characters would really think.

4: Mort by Terry Pratchett

Another Fantasy offering, but this one is also significant for its treatment of one universal theme of Human experience: Death. Terry Pratchett made Death into a person you could love, in a way, for his strange outlook on life. Pratchett's interpretation of Death ranks as one of the most popular characters in the Discworld series of comic Fantasy novels. Why? Because take away the fact he's a skeleton, and you realise he's a man. A strange man indeed, but someone you can have sympathy for in a non-tragic way. You really want to root for Death, because this book proves that Blue Oyster Cult was right, Don't Fear The Reaper.

3: About a Boy by Nick Hornby

Nick Hornby in my opinion is one of the only living authors who bother to write popular fiction about men's issues such as responsibility, middle age, and why spending your life being nothing is no life at all. About a Boy, I believe, is Hornby's masterpiece. Not just because I love Nirvana and was interested in the period surrounding his death, but the unbiased way Hornby examines the nature of celebrity deaths, we think we understand celebrities and we feel sad when they die, but how many of us truly know the rich and the famous, really? How does a strange chain of events concerning a boy, his single mother, and an aging hipster come together in a thread of fate that unites people who wouldn't normally talk to each other, come to all tied loose ends when Kurt Cobain kills himself? You'll have to read it to find out. And before you declare me a spoiler monster, I haven't actually spoiled anything about the book at all. Just read it.

2: The Ode Less Traveled by Stephen Fry

Teaching kids about Poetry these days is a nightmare. Getting people interested in writing good Poetry is worse. Luckily, Stephen Fry comes to the rescue in a lovely, entertaining romp through a crash course in meter, spondee, rhyme, alliteration, the lot, and you'll love every minute of both his funny sense of humor and his helpful exercises (Stephen Fry does not tolerate lazy bones poets, do the exercises man!). Highly recommended for anyone interested (or vaguely interested) in an artform that too many people think is a "terrible secret" to practice. Conquer the English Language!

1: Train Man by Hitori Nakano

Lord Almighty, why have the people forsaken this brilliant book that has influenced my life so much it's chronic?

It's obscene that nobody I know has read, or even heard of, this book that has defined geek identity for me so well? This book will give even the most cynical geek and nerd hope that they too can find love in this crazy world, if they just open their eyes and see that somebody outside their room will love them for who they are?

Most people I know automatically discard the idea of reading it because it's about an Anime geek who finds love. Somehow "Anime" and "Geek finds love" translates to "bad book that's boring". I dare you, I really dare you naysayers, to open up your horizons, just like the Train Man in this book, and experience something you're not familiar with. Maybe you know some geek down the road who thinks no girl will ever love him, hence he drowns his sorrows in Sailor Moon cartoons. If you don't ever read this, at least give this book to that one geek who's lost hope in their life of finding a positive, two sided relationship that isn't with a character on a TV screen or a Manga comic. Just... try and bring some joy into their lives, mmkay?

- Jacob Martin
AKA Jake of All Trades

On Posting Diary Entries

2008-02-28T23:53:00.000-08:00

You may have noticed the blog posts of late have been actually interesting to read. Or maybe not.

But my life is actually getting interesting. You may have read the last post. You may not have. Aside from women clamouring for my assistance, a lot of other weird stuff has happened too.

First of all, my brother finally admits that he doesn't like the "pub crawlers" as he calls them, trying to drag him off to the pub all the time. This can only mean one thing: he's growing up and realising that campus life gives as little privacy as living at home with me and my parents. He even went so far as saying he might miss me.

My garden is greener than it's ever been from the heavy rain. It actually looks like it's worth visiting and having a pot of tea among the shrubbery for a relax.

My homework is actually starting to sort itself out. Because I'm actually doing it by myself. Who knew? Sometimes the creative art of novel redrafting must take a backseat to study. And I have to say the studying's a lot easier with a soundproofed room in Study Hall where I can have a tutor for study assistance such as note organisation and study structure.

That is all for now.

- Jacob Martin
AKA Jake of All Trades

I'm just a Gift to the Women of this world...

2008-02-28T23:28:00.001-08:00

But not in the same way Lou Reed thinks he is.

Something very odd is happening to me. Women of all ages are happy to listen to my advice, which never used to happen. I feel a disturbance in the natural order, but the best one that's ever happened to me.

These said women aren't necessarily romantically interested in me. But it's not like they're ignoring me either. Suddenly, they think my gift ideas for their musician boyfriends and tips to find the best musical gifts is sound advice, they actually want to talk to me instead of ignore me, and middle aged to elderly women think I'm a charming young man who's more than happy to inform them about which bus to catch in order to get to Ryde Shops.

I think it started when I rebuked a young man who was making sexist remarks to some girls I knew, with the cutting insult "a chauvinist pig like you deserves to be gutted and displayed in a butcher's window". It was quite effective in keeping the chap quiet. And now girls have realised that the reason why I'm not hitting on them is not because I'm shy but because I actually respect them, no matter how blonde their hair is.

It started to really get weird when I was admiring a young Indian/Persian student's fine female form, not ogling, when she didn't slap me for it, but gave me a knowing look of acknowledgment, and smiled gently at me. There was something about her that struck my heart with a flutter. It was her attitude. Without saying a word, she let me know that she was beautiful, was comfortable with her body, and didn't at all mind admiration of it in a civilised manner. Then I realised that what I admired in a woman was not so much a person to comfort me all the time when I'm sad, but to share in the joy of an independent confidence.

This is all very confusing. I go from no female attention to having a horde of them listening to my words of wisdom. We'll have to see if it continues.

- Jacob Martin
AKA Jake of All Trades

Did you miss me?

2008-02-25T05:06:00.000-08:00

I'm back, and I know I've been neglecting you loyal readers who have bothered to continue reading this blog.

Allow me to explain why my blog has felt so neglected and forgot: that old chestnut of school study has failed to be cracked as well as I had hoped, though it has been penetrated slightly. Now the chestnut has a hole in it, but not enough to remove the goods inside, unless I crack it more.

My brother has gone to University at Griffith University in Queensland. Allegedly there is a "Toga Party" tomorrow night for the new students: my knowledge of Toga Parties mainly comes from coming of age college comedies puts me in wonder whether I should be delighted or concerned for him.

What I understand a Toga Party is, is a party where young men dress in togas and drink and debauch like the Roman Emperors of old. I think my brother will be encountering a milder version of that, keep in mind the event is endorsed by the facility of the University.

Also, it appears I have finally understood my father after all these years, and he seems to be understanding me. A man who is decidedly patriarchal would not normally allow his son to get tickets to see Germaine Greer speak in a conference. Only a true father would make a sacrifice like that.

I didn't get into ArtExpress 2007 (now showing at the Art Gallery of NSW) with my Visual Arts Body of Work, but it seems that the artworks that did get in aren't half bad. Though the other half is dreadful. Very strong on Video Art this year, but the "HSC Angst Art" category, as always, never fails to disappoint in its delivery of disappointment.

For those who don't know, ArtExpress is an exhibition of student art from the HSC that got into the top band of marks and fit the criteria of the curator's "theme" for that year. This year it appears to be Technology. Go see it while you still can, if you're in Sydney at all this coming month.

Someone on LibraryThing.com pointed out this fabulous website of old paperback cover art. Here is the link:

http://www.bookscans.com/Database.htm

This is one of my favorite images from the site:

That's right. Love In Dishevelment, the "Short, Neat Chronicle of an Untidy Romance". Somehow this reminded me of my brother's now empty, messy bedroom, and it made me smile. It's like I'm finding bits of my brother to fill his absence.

- Jacob Martin
AKA "Jake of All Trades"

Movie Review: Dracula (1992)

2008-01-25T05:49:00.000-08:00

There are many instances where the book is better than the film. Francis Ford Coppola's take on the classic Vampire novel Dracula is of such abysmal quality that it itself is a monster that needs a stake through the heart and its head cut off.

Tom Waits as Renfield was one of the only good performances in it, as well as occasional moments from Sir Anthony Hopkins (the part after Lucy is staked is hilarious: "Yes, she was in pain, but we put a stake through her heart and cut off her head, and now she is at peace"). But Keanu Reeves's English accent is so bad that he sounds like he did in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, and has ever since played the same role in every movie he gets a job in.

And it's just a tad too smutty and lurid, even though eroticism was present in the original novel, here it is so blatantly sexual that it's a turn-off instead of a turn-on! It's like Basic Instinct meets Anne Rice! The character of Lucy in this film is a complete tart compared to the gentle and courtly Lucy in the novel, there is a scene showing a translation of the Arabian Nights translated by Richard E. Burton... is it the same Richard Burton I think it is??? Because if it is, it's a historical goof!

All in all I give it Two Stakes out of Ten, one for Tom Waits, the other for Anthony Hopkins. A brilliant waste of Hollywood money and your time.

Heath Ledger's Dead (I smell a new Bauhaus hit single)

2008-01-23T02:25:00.000-08:00

So Heath Ledger's dead.

Sad indeed.

Sad indeed for Australian talent, since Nicole Kidmann hasn't delivered a decent role since... ever. At least we still have Cate Blanchett to be proud of. Ledger was one of Australia's only quality home grown male actors, and he will be difficult to find a substitute for, if at all.

Now I'll be the first to admit that I criticised Heath Ledger's slipping into an Aussie accent in I'm Not There when he says "You can't take me kids!", something that Bob Dylan would never say, or any American with their accent would ever say, in an obviously American movie.

But I can forgive him that, if only he would have avoided his fate we could have seen a string of quality films... people have speculated that his role as The Joker in Batman: The Dark Knight led to his downfall, but I present one piece of evidence that nullifies wild acceptance of this theory as law...

JACK NICHOLSON.

Jack Nicholson played The Joker in Tim Burton's Batman, and he turned out fine. Well, he did play the crazy father in

The Shining

previously, so he had experience in lunacy.

So what gives me the right to speculate about Ledger's death?

NOTHING.

We simply don't know enough yet, and I'll be waiting until the official autopsy and burial and 10th Anniversary Memorial Special for me to come up with some decent conspiracy theories. But in the meantime I do enjoy debunking rubbish theories about it.

- Jacob Martin
AKA "Jake of All Trades"

On Optimism

2008-01-18T23:04:00.000-08:00

It seems to me that since I adopted Optimism as my outlook on life, replacing the Pessimism that had ill-served me in my teenage years, I have become happier and more accepting of the Human condition, whereas previously I wanted nothing to do with it. This did not occur because I read The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, but under very strange circumstances where I became so annoyed with my lot in life (having to stay at school while my friends went to their University placings) that I most likely became fed up with my choice of philosophy.

"Why was I here, if I was doomed to go through another year of school with a bunch of idiots who wouldn't appreciate literature if a radioactive manuscript of Shakespeare's Julius Caesar stabbed them in the back?"

This was the question I asked myself, and I pondered the answer in a conversation on Windows MSN Messenger with a friend (as you may recall, this was how I came across the meaning of what being a man was, in a previous epiphany) but instead of Angus, my other friend Tom was the one who inspired me to go on.

I considered his argument. There were indeed students in the new Year 12 who were not as uncultured as I feared. The trouble was that those students tended to be very busy with their studies, as I should have been too. Then it occurred to me that instead of fearing the mindless curriculum of the courses I had to take, I would see what I could learn from these courses that might be useful to a young Author like myself.

I found a safe haven in Genre Theory. Learning how genre worked was more interesting than it sounded, and as a Fantasy Author, this was crucial information I needed to know. I would have to read as many books in a genre as well as many other genres to remain fresh and in touch with the concerns of modern Humanity... and I was up to the challenge, despite the large pile of books I had to read for my studies. I calculated that the only solution to my problem was to:

a) Read these books instead of gazing upon them and going into a Lovecraftian madness

b) Accept that it is possible for a great work of literature to exist without dragons, Elves, Dwarves, or Faeries explicitly mentioned in the text

c) Know that the more I read, the more I would learn about writing, and the more I would learn about writing, the more I would create quality prose (and pass my exams)

d) Recognise that the Human experience came not from a literal interpretation of the world and the imagination, but the use of imagination to bring excitement into mundane everyday things. Douglas Adams, in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, wrote something along the lines of "can't we just enjoy a nice garden without having to believe there are fairies at the bottom of it too?". Taken literally, this is a rejection of imagination and wonder. Taken as the metaphor it is, it is multi-layered. It seems to me that it is a metaphor for how science, in Douglas Adams's point of view, does not destroy the beauty of nature by explaining how it works, but enhances our appreciation and understanding of how complicated the wonders of nature really are, and our enjoyment of a garden will not be taken away by the absence of fairies. I am also aware that Adams was friends with Richard Dawkins, the renowned/reviled atheist superstar scientist, and such a friendship most likely resulted in a shared interest in secular science. In Hitchhiker's, he seems to have created a tale that is both funny, and reflective of his scientific, secular world-view, that also contains a wonderful affirmation of the fact that science is compatible with the imagination, for without it, Humans cannot conceive the many developments in technology we come up with every day. Therefore, the quotation contains so much imaginative and intellectual discussion, in one brief sentence, that to take it as a literal forsaking of the imagination would be an insult to the memory of the late Douglas Adams. So here we learn that science does not necessarily mean the abolition of imagination, though I could point out many cases where scientists reject imagination, Adams is appealing to both a scientific argument and the nature of Human beings to tell stories. I might not agree with Adams's friend Richard Dawkins's arguments against religion, however Adams presents his world view in a much friendlier and less hostile manner. So I give him a pat on the back for presenting a view without preaching (if the Only Convert to Atheism could be described as doing such a thing) to the reader. Or lecturing, to be more respectful to Adams's lack of belief in God. If he was alive I would ask him to give my religious beliefs the same respect, naturally.

* * * * *

After accepting my studies I became happier and more productive. When I was a Pessimist, I was lucky if I typed 1000 words for a story in a week. Since becoming an Optimist, I have continued to produce nearly 2000 words every day for the past four days. If that's not an endorsement you'd believe, I don't know what else I could do to change your mind.

I've been sleeping better, the usual insomnia that plagues my nights seems to be easing. Rather than always not having enough sleep, I always wake up refreshed (I usually have to walk a bit of the sleep off before this kicks in, like anybody does).

I've had more hope for the future. Having a plan and a vision for what I want to do in the future hasn't made me a millionaire yet, but keeping in mind not everybody needs to be a millionaire, just enough to live comfortably and a full life, I have been more content with my circumstances than ever before. My dreams of becoming a full time Author after I leave school seem actually achievable, as I work for my dreams and put them into practice every day. Thus I can taste the reality of a growing and living manuscript instead of a mocking, half finished pipe-dream.

I highly recommend Optimism, it's not a religious cult that will take all your money, nor is it a fad. It's a philosophy that will improve your lifestyle to degrees immeasurable by Pythagoras himself. Do try it.

- Jacob Martin
AKA "Jake of All Trades"

The Formula of Fiction, Video Games, and Life

2008-01-11T18:56:00.000-08:00

It's not that difficult to learn how to play when your sibling owns a Wii, however it is possible that, like with most plug in console games that I'm not using a handheld for, Super Mario Galaxy is a challenge for a previously non-gamer myself. The controls are innovative, unlike Wii Sports, you can play it sitting down, but it is definitely easier to twist the Wiimote to the left or right than what you had to do with the Gamecube controller to play Super Mario Sunshine.

What I've noticed is that the formulaic nature of Mario games is their selling point, each new Mario game features a new innovation while using a simple plot to tie the goals of the game together. The basic plot of a Mario game is to save Princess Peach from the evil Bowser, a turtle dragon like creature that breathes fire. It seems to have worked well over the years, so I guess Nintendo have no intention of changing this formula, though Phoenix Wright games on the Nintendo DS have appeal for having different villains in every game/mission.

One of the appeals of the James Bond movies is the use of a different villain in most of the films, save Blofeld, who appears more than once in the series of blockbusters. But it seems with some video game franchises, that a use of a different villain in any one game would alienate gamers who have expectations that Bowser will turn up in every Mario game, or for Resident Evil fans, zombies of some description must turn up in such a Resident Evil game, which is part of the survival horror genre that usually entails surviving a number of mental and physical aberrations in order to get out of some haunted mansion/cursed village/Vampire's castle (in the Castlevania franchise).

But formula is not entirely a beast that must be slain, sometimes, like in the Harry Potter series of books, there is a formula that is subverted on many occasions, the last book for instance had little scenes of Hogwarts at all except for the final battle (I will not put spoilers here), and in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Dumbledore rarely appears in that book, despite his presence in every other previous book being overtly noticeable.

But then again, Life is best when it is not formulaic. This is because we shouldn't expect the formula, a boring daily routine is a formula we all wish to avoid, yet there are innovations in life that are self-initiated by our own choices, life is not like a video game, lose a life and it's Game Over in the real world. Formulas in fiction and videogames however, can be useful in telling us the concerns of our times, and the concerns of previous ones, which we can learn from to better our existence on Earth.

- Jacob Martin
AKA "Jake of All Trades"

I finally got my Nintendo DS Lite (review)

2008-01-10T00:07:00.000-08:00

So I got one. It's "Ice Blue", which in various light sources looks light green. I did not expect to get an Ice Blue DS Lite, but then again I didn't expect to find one at all, since many stores have sold out of them. I ordered one from Dick Smith but they seemed to have forgotten about me, so I snatched up the one I have when I could. I also assisted my brother in getting a Nintendo Wii, but that's a whole 'nother blog post.

I have played the Game Boy Advance and have owned one for years, the one I have is one of the horizontal models with a wider screen, but poor lighting, so a plug in light was needed. The upside of this system was that it not only played your GBA games but old Game Boy and Game Boy Color (cursed American spelling oppresses Australian technology users everywhere! IT'S "COLOUR" DAMMIT!) games too.

One of the drawcards for me to get a DS Lite was GBA compatibility, however it can't play Mole Mania, a Game Boy game, because it doesn't play those old cartridges. The upside of DS Lite GBA playing is that with some games, if you have a certain GBA game that features connectivity with a DS game, you can get extra stuff for your gaming, but also, both DS Lite screens are properly backlit, ending eyestrain agony that I had with GBA games in the past on my primitive horizontal GBA.

Oh, and it can play DS games. Like Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney. That's another reason why I got a DS Lite, the games you can play on it. What other console gives you the chance to be a hotshot rookie lawyer with no legal training or degree required for the experience? What other console gives you the chance to be yelled at by a Japanese doctor with glasses as he puts you through Brain Training exercises, who also explains how you can play Sudoku on your DS using THE SAME CARTRIDGE?

But other than those games there's a good selection out there, which I will review later when I have played them enough to make a decent critic of myself.

The speakers on the DS Lite are a lot better than I'm used to with previous Nintendo handhelds, which in the past had tinny annoying soundtracks on their games. DS games actually try to have good music on them, or at least interesting music. In "Animal Crossing: Wild World", you can create the town's theme tune. I was feeling in a sinister mood, so I put in the "Pan's Labyrinth" movie theme as my town's "town tune". The game even plays variations of it on different instruments when you encounter different people in different circumstances. And that is why I don't trust the purple cat character, he makes the tune play even more chillingly than it should when my character dude talks to him...

The DS Lite, by its name, claims to be lighter than the original Nintendo DS, however I have just compared the weights of the GBA and my DS Lite in my hands, and the GBA is much lighter. Understandably, since the DS Lite has a lot to do, including two screens, built in programs (Pictochat) and dual cartridge capabilities. But that doesn't mean it sucks. It's just a lot more in one package.

I give it Four and a Half Stars (minus one for no Game Boy Colour playback).

- Jacob Martin
AKA "Jake of All Trades"

I'll be 18 years old in 20 minutes.

2008-01-03T04:40:00.000-08:00

Whoopee. In 20 minutes I'll be 18 years old.

So far I've planted a few pot plants today, bought drink tubs for my party, and installed Mozilla Firefox which makes the Internet run a lot faster than Internet Explorer. Why did I do this? Because Stephen Fry told me so:

http://stephenfry.com/blog/?p=29

Nuff said.

- Jacob Martin
AKA "Jake of All Trades"

New Year, New Look

2007-12-31T21:48:00.000-08:00

I decided to take a look at what different styles of template I could use for this blog after the inspiration came from a visit to IKEA. Hardly considered the height of good taste, but much maligned, IKEA has been loved for its cheap prices and functionality while loathed by traditional furniture fans.

Yesterday I went to IKEA and looked around for stuff I need for my party on Friday. I can't tell you where the said party is going to be, since I fear and dread gatecrashers. The guests who are invited are rowdy enough for my taste, thank you very much. What I can tell you is that my parents found these lovely green stools for around $6 in Australian money, and that could well solve my dilemma of how to seat twenty people, maybe a bit more even.

There's a lot to be said for IKEA, like ABBA, it's one of the best, and worst, things that ever did arrive from Sweden. You either love it, hate it, or simply use it for its cheap and affordable furniture. I really should take a camera to IKEA one day and post some pictures of what I see in there that I like.

But solutions for modern living aside, what I did yesterday, being New Year's Eve, was watching the fireworks from Chiswick with my family, and playing Scrabble in an excruciatingly dull game since both my father and myself were too tired and, as it were, lost for words (pun definitely intended) to the extent that we packed up the game in twenty minutes and watched the music videos on the VH1 Music Video No. 1's Countdown, because there was nothing else on really.

The other thing I did yesterday was shop for my birthday present, as my birthday was within four days of arrival. Sadly, when I went to EB Games at Rhodes Shopping Center, I discovered that although boxes of DS Lites with price tags on them were on the shelves, they were empty, and the rude and bitchy shopkeep woman told my mother and I that they were sold out. Not only that, but that they increased the price from the Christmas sales price of $189 to $200 that very day, and even though we had seen it cheaper in another EB Games shop, in which case the store guarantee promised to reduce the cost, she wasn't going to help us, nor was she going to tell us precisely when the new stock would come in.

Thus one of my New Year's resolutions is not to shop at EB Games unless they have something I need that nowhere else has, because JB Hi-Fi has a better range of games stuff at much cheaper prices. EB has significantly fallen from what it was, a friendly games and console seller to a greedy corporate chain store. This is why I more often shop for games at JB Hi-Fi instead, because people who work at JB actually like helping you.

However, there is hope. There was a Dick Smith Electronics shop at Rhodes, which was being operated by a very nice Muslim woman with glasses. She not only gave a much better impression than the EB servicewoman did, but she was a premium example of how helpful and friendly Muslims can be. Trust me, I want a DS Lite so bad, even if my acceptance of other cultures wasn't as tolerant as I am already, give me any serviceperson in an electronics shop of ANY faith, and I would accept their help in getting one of those little handhelds on my birthday, I would accept assistance from a Mormon or a Krishna-follower if I had to, despite my experience of some of them being pushy for donations/conversions!

The nice Muslim lady helped me order a DS Lite and took my phone number on a notepad in order for her to contact me when it arrives. I am exceedingly grateful for this. Such people deserve to be given raises/Employee of the Month awards/Medals for service, and they definitely need to be given respect by those of different cultures anyway, even if they really can't help you (but they try to). Never underestimate a foreign shopkeeper, as behind the cultural differences lie cultural strengths, such as hospitality and good manners.

- Jacob Martin
AKA "Jake of All Trades"

Trawling my CD Collection Part 1

2007-12-30T00:07:00.000-08:00

I have a few CDs I bought recently, and I will review them for your blog-reading pleasure as I go along.

The theme of today's reviews is "Angry Young Man Music". This is a generally misunderstood field of music, since many, after the dawn of Emo music, have lost the true meaning of what it means to be a young man who is angry, now thinking it means not having enough money for an iPod, or being dumped by your girlfriend for being a whiney bitch who is hardly a man at all. Usually a Young Man, who may or may not be angry, buys or downloads music albums for their ability to inspire awe, wonder, and understanding in their souls. Or they like it because they like loud music that bugs their parents.

The first CD I will review is Never Mind the Bollocks, Here's the Sex Pistols.

This album is one of the chief discoveries of my youth. Not only is it loud, and angry, but it has an actual heart to it. Johnny Rotten doesn't tell you why he's angry, he yells it at you, attacking British sentimentalism and nostalgia in the face of conservative government. From "Holidays in the Sun" to "God Save the Queen" to "Anarchy in the U.K.", it is a solid album of Punk era classics. One of the tracks, "Bodies", is a song about abortions that is sure to offend everyone, and contains at least three "F-words". This should not mean you should turn down the volume for this track, for what is the point of The Sex Pistols if you can't play them loud on your stereo? Loud playing is not recommended on iPods, because you'll make yourself deaf. I give this album Ten "Unplugged Sid Vicious Bass Guitars" out of Ten.

WHY IT'S GOOD: This is the ultimate Punk album, alongside The Clash's London Calling record, it's one you have to own if you're an angry young man who wants to experience the Punk phenomenon first-hand. It's way better than this new "Emo" crap that claims to be Punk, and is best enjoyed played on a stereo cranked to 11.

The second album in this series of reviews is Nirvana's Nevermind, an album from the early 1990s that truly fits the "Angry Young Man" criteria.

Nevermind, unlike The Sex Pistols's "Never Mind the Bollocks", is an album less about anarchy and more about the collective unrest in a generation's spirits, hence, "Smells Like Teen Spirit", the opening track that made Kurt Cobain a star. The album cover is probably more famous than the music on the actual album nowadays, but the music should not be ignored. Can't understand the lyrics? Few people could. The point was more about the feelings that the music evokes rather than the lyrics, which are more an accessory to Nirvana's grunge sound. This album's worth as music has been debated from everybody from established music critics to blokes like my twin brother, who probably only hates it because I like it, however, its endurance as an album cannot be ignored in influence. This album also contains tracks like "Lithium", "In Bloom" and "Something in the Way" (Something in the Way contains a hidden track after a long period of silence on some CD pressings, called "Endless, Nameless", which is definitely meant to be played loud), which genuinely express Cobain's inner torment and angry young man cred. I give it 8 "Swimming Babies" out of 10, I take away two points for the commercial exploitation of Kurt Cobain that this album led to.

* * * * *

Well, that's the first part of "Trawling my CD Collection", which hopefully turns out to be an enjoyable and enlightening series of reviews about CDs I own. Next time, we explore "Muse: What Is the Big Deal?", as I review two albums by the band Muse, which brought the band in question significant scorn and acclaim in mixed baskets.

- Jacob Martin
AKA "Jake of All Trades"

The Blogger's Code

2007-12-30T00:03:00.000-08:00

Try this link:

www.bloggingcode.org

This O'Reilly seems to be friendlier and aiming for a better cause than the OTHER O'Reilly... you know, the Fox News one!

As a blogger, this will affect me, but how do I factor in all these rules without careful analysis of the proposed rules?

There really is a need to support civil and polite blogging, yet what I've noticed is the popular ones, like Maddox's blog, maintain interest by throwing politeness out the window.

An ethical code of blogging is good for maintaining factual content, but a simple message that warns people that some viewpoints may offend people would do a better job at making sure people find appropriate content. I am not calling for censorship, what the classification system has done for movies is, however limiting it is for what younger people can see and the general stigma of certain ratings, it does on many occasions give a good idea of the content within the film itself, and the positive aspect of a classification system is that of a way to decide, instead of netfilters censoring artwork blogs with accusations of nudity when the blog is merely presenting the human form (in my experience my school's filter system used to block much needed websites for the study of artists because of nudity that was justified by the idea behind the artwork in most cases).

But an ethical code of blogging could well be, if constructed with thought and reason, not a tool of repression and censorship, but an electronic era code of ethics that would guide bloggers into making the right choices in their content and manner.

More needs to be looked into though, there's a whole bunch of dense material to sift through in order to gain anything from it. A simpler, layman's code would be more effective in the long term, as bloggers have notoriously short attention spans (it takes one to know one) and even non-bloggers thinking of starting up a blog would be helped with a simpler code for use in their blogging activity.

I will bookmark this code immediately!

My birthday is coming soon...

2007-12-28T20:14:00.000-08:00

And I'll be 18 years old. *Gasp*

After already completing a New Years Resolution before 2007 is even finished (completing reading a book I've been meaning to finish reading months ago), I have to put things in perspective. First of all, I'll need to pick the one beer I'm allowed to drink on my birthday (Drinking alcohol is legal at age 18, but I do not intend to use this occasion as an excuse for debauchery). In Australia, we are spoiled for choice when it comes to beers, and I am puzzled at which one I would possibly pick. Heineken or something like that would do, but what if I want something exotic?

Also, I need to plan my party. Which is Disco Themed thanks to my strange twin brother who listens to old music constantly. What am I going to wear?

And what of my birthday present? I have concluded that I want a Nintendo DS Lite for my present, however I am not 100% sure my parents have been convinced that I need one. However, I believe that since I have shown them one of the games I got for Christmas, "Brain Training", they have taken the bait. My father is also interested in using the planned DS Lite to play "Brain Training", so I think I've convinced him now.

What will I do on my birthday? Probably clean up the house for the party, and generally veg out in front of the TV. In any case it should be a good event.

- Jacob Martin
AKA "Jake of All Trades"

I played a Wii on Christmas Day

2007-12-27T04:41:00.000-08:00

But it wasn't mine, I'm sad to say. (Hey, that rhymes)

Wii Sports is one of the most innovative videogames I've seen in a long time. And I've seen a lot of videogames in my time... this one actually tires you out. You need to be fit to play Wii Boxing, and Wii Tennis, as well as be prepared to have your concentration and coordination at their peaks for Wii Bowling.

Unlike other videogame systems, Wii actually gives you the weariness of the character on screen, (or at least the weariness that your character would feel in real life if constantly doing whatever they do). After playing it for 20 minutes, I saw why people want these babies in their living rooms, perfecting Wiimote control is a satisfying aspect to Wii ownership, as well as the fun multiplayer games it has.

I was late posting this since I was very busy for the past two days, and hope to post more if I can.

- Jacob Martin
AKA "Jake of All Trades"

Terry Pratchett has Alzheimers

2007-12-12T15:53:00.000-08:00

http://apnews.excite.com/article/20071212/D8TG495G0.html

This is really sad. I've met this guy in person, and he seemed really nice. He's one of my favorite authors.

But then again, he's trying to be cheerful about it. Nothing ever gets Terry in a depressed muddle, so there is hope for him.

- Jacob Martin
AKA TeenAuthor

The Wonders of Demo Tape Recording

2007-12-12T03:27:00.000-08:00

I've been recording some demo tapes with just singing to send to my musically minded colleagues, in order to give them some idea of how I could make the song work with their riffing.

I do not yet feel the confidence to post links to downloading the said demo tapes. It's humiliating enough to have one's closest friends hear your musical efforts, I feel that I don't need the entire Internet laughing at my expense. When I have more polished versions of my songs with music added, then we might see some download links. But for now, I have more demo tapes to record...

- Jacob Martin
AKA TeenAuthor

Soccer and the Zen of Videogaming

2007-12-11T23:38:00.000-08:00

I've come home from a day of real life soccer and the biggest workout of my life, as well as an introduction to the world of philosophical videogaming.

It started innocently enough, as an old friend of mine, Alex, decided that we should play soccer in the park directly outside my house, since it was a very nice day that was too beautiful to waste on playing Max Payne 2: The Fall of Max Payne and simply lazing about the house.

I accepted the challenge, only to find that this was a cunning ploy of Alex's to get me fit. He had been trying to find a way to get involved in my exercise routine ever since last year, and he is a good trainer, but he works you hard. When I first played soccer with him today, I was wearing trackpants, which were long and too hot for a boiling day. We kicked the long neglected soccer ball from my back garden around to the extent that all the grimy pot-plant dirt and spiderwebs were gone from its surface, revealing an aged, but beautiful piece of sports equipment. I was drenched in sweat, as the sun beamed down on us. My shirt was so damp from my efforts, that it was drenched by exertion. I decided to apply suncream, since it was quite sunny. It was a wise choice, as it was not only a protection from nasty skin cancers but a chance to change into sportier attire. I changed my shirt and pants to short sleeved and legged clothing, as well as changing my shoes from slip ons to lace ons.

I was pumped for more, as I ran after the ball, kicking it far and near, and even succeeding in outsmarting my twin brother in the soccer art. After I was completely exhausted, it was time to go to my mate David's place. We had tried to get him out of the house previously that day, but it seemed that he was out. The second time we knocked at his door, he was responsive.

We played more soccer, but before that, I had room-temperature water instead of cold at David's house, at Alex's recommendation, as he said to me that room temperature is more refreshing for exercise. I was still drenched in sweat, but I felt like a king. So this is what Fight Club was supposed to make you feel like, minus the severe pummellings!

As I said, we played more soccer, and I scored a goal. We decided, that we could test our skills of soccer on David's new Xbox 360, which had Pro Evolution Soccer or some football related game. I even had a try, though I am not one to commonly participate in videogaming, and despite my losing to David by 2 to Nil, I did not feel at a loss. I simply felt like playing the game for its own sake. I was told that my soccer game skills on this particular game were quite good for a first time player. I simply played the game using my mind rather than the button bashing that the others were doing, and loved every moment of the game, not caring whether I would win or lose. It saddens me when I see people playing videogames only to win: videogames must be played by simply playing them, victory or defeat, Pro or n00b, there is no meaning to any of these terms in true videogaming, the real meaning is in the experience of playing, using your mind to contemplate how more effective gameplay and mastery of the controls could be achieved. I was even playing very well, as Alex told me, and I was judged as a better player of this particular game than my twin brother. Surely this could not be!

Will post more after I have had a rest. I am severely tired after a big day.

- Jacob Martin
AKA TeenAuthor

HumaniTEA: A Manifesto

2007-12-06T16:29:00.000-08:00

HumaniTEA: A Manifesto
By Jacob Martin

Tea is the beverage of kings, queens, commoners and the wealthy alike! HumaniTEA is the group who say “no more!” to those who disrespect our noble drink! These are the goals of our beverage revolution:

1: The de-stigmatisation of Tea. Tea is a drink of the people, not just the British who sip from their expensive, gilded cups! We must fight to ensure that Tea is recognised as the beverage of a united world, as Tea comes from all kinds of places that produce it, such as Japan, Kenya, Tanzania, and India. One beverage can unite our broken world, and we will achieve equality among creation one sip at a time. We must ensure that those who forsake the joys of Tea are made aware of its pleasures, and in good time the whole world will be drinking Tea! (Except for Mormons, it’s hard to convince them to disobey one of the laws of their religion by making them drink Tea, but it’s their loss. You should still respect their views, but they need to respect yours too)

2: Fair pay for Tea industry workers. Only buy Tea that has been produced ethically, as unjustly manufactured Tea that uses exploitative labour leaves a bad taste in the mouth.

3: Good promotion of the benefits of Tea is one of the core steps in our Tea revolution, that even Coffee, that caffeine laden opiate of the masses, will be overthrown in favour of a beverage that is far healthier and enjoyable than many other beverage choices. Tea is healthier than energy drinks as well, and is better for you than a soft drink or cola!

4: The overthrowing of Coffee and energy drinks must be achieved by non-violent means. These evils cannot be repaid with evil, only the good works of HumaniTEA members with peaceful, home economical methods of eliminating Coffee and energy drinks that have oppressed the working class for too long, will prevail in the end! Simply do not buy Coffee or energy drinks, they are addictive, but like smoking and alcoholism, they can be beaten, and Tea will set you free!

5: Tea is what binds us together, we know no discrimination in race, creed, gender or blend of choice. Every cup of the noble drink unites the people around you, as they drink with you. In an ideal world, Tea will end wars, reconcile the harshest enemies, and bond families as one.

6: The final goal of HumaniTEA, after uniting humanity as one world, and one beverage, is to preserve this peace we have earned with the leaves of toil, and the calming effect of a cup of Tea will sooth the wracked nerves of those who fought so hard to achieve these goals. Drink to peace! Drink to equality! Drink for all Humanity!

The Changing Faces of Corporations

2007-12-05T18:39:00.000-08:00

Take a look at the link below. Read it before you read this blog entry.

http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2007/12/06/1196812874843.html

At least he said sorry, but I'm still not getting a Facebook account until I am convinced the privacy issues are sorted out for good.

I was previously convinced that Facebook was the face of evil corporate greed, but sometimes I see improvements in how CEOs of companies act towards their faults, and make their companies more consumer friendly.

I have significant respect for people who admit that they are wrong. If they are geniune in their remorse that is. But Mark Zuckerberg deserves the right to be forgiven, provided that he makes sure he doesn't try to pull something like this again.

The age of the corporation is upon us, and there are some internet based corporations that have taken steps to give their customers better privacy. Google earned back my respect when I saw their new privacy policy, and their option of not giving your information for use in statistics or advertising research or corporate studies.

In a previous post, I have said that Apple is a greedy company that is rotten to the core. This, in the instance of their constant re-releases of new iPod technologies, is true, but they do not deserve a complete boycott, nor my complete scorn. I own an iPod, that I cannot hide, and I use it often. I am more concerned with their iTunes downloads only working on iPods than I am with their constant new iPod products, honestly. When a downloaded song or album from iTunes works on nothing else but Apple products, this is an example of corporations trying to freeze out competition. However on the other hand, they allow you to rip music onto your iPod from CDs, something I do often. This redeems them in some aspects, as at least they let you get your CDs onto iPods. CDs work on most Media Players, and that is why I use and buy them.

I also cannot ignore Apple, because in my heart, I know, that although I might dread replacing my beloved PC that has served me for years, an Apple computer would be more sophisticated and capable of using many new developments in creative software. As a creative artist, I need these programs to do my work. And the way Windows Vista is going, (I've heard terrible things about Vista from a friend who has a Vista PC) it wouldn't suit my needs well. I cling to my Windows XP PC in fear, as it will not be able to handle Vista due to its small capabilities.

In this new age of corporations, we should ask ourselves not so much how we should fight all the time with corporations, but to work together with corporations in order to make a better world. Put good people in CEO positions, and they will be more likely to do good works with that position. However, corporations are also about profit. We need to address, in the 21st Century, how profit and ecological factors can be reconciled so that we won't kill the planet. Picketing corporations won't solve much, as CEOs in the past have ignored such means of change. You can make corporations friendlier to humanity by getting a job with them. Get enough good people at work with corporations, and with time, positive solutions will be had.

But you might disagree with me. After all, I'm just a 17 year old wannabe Author who rants to much. Or am I?

Blogging is a good place to discuss issues in society, but as we have seen in the past few years in China, the blog is not mightier than the Great Firewall's sword. Bloggers need to work as much in the physical, RL world, as they do on the Internet. Actions speak louder than words, but words with action combined is a force that may change the world more than each one can achieve alone.

- Jacob Martin
AKA TeenAuthor

Matters concerning the Negative Review I got for Small Worlds: A Miscellany

2007-12-04T17:21:00.000-08:00

I am no longer bitter about this. I have refrained from posting about it here before I was ready to.

Here is the review I got for my short story collection, Small Worlds: A Miscellany most recently:

http://www.librarything.com/work/3698469/reviews/22885456

As you can see, my first collection of stories missed the mark somewhat. Perhaps I should apologise for my crimes against literature, but I have learned three things from the experience of how one review, no matter how constructive its criticism, can propel a young artist into a pit of despair:

1: It seems that I would make a good writer for Saturday Morning Cartoon shows. Initially I was insulted by the remark: "Most of the stories read like scripts for a Saturday morning cartoon (and I think they would make great cartoons).", but I learned after clarification from the author of this review on the social networking site I use, that this remark was not meant as an insult. It was my fault that I reacted badly to it. This person was only trying to help me, and my experience with Yoram Gross cartoons in my youth had left me with a mediocre understanding of what Saturday Morning cartoon shows could be. (Yoram Gross is the guy who made the Blinky Bill cartoons, but since then he has unleashed more horrors onto Australian children's minds than anybody else, his Flipper and Lopaka show was so bad that you wondered how he got away with it. Tabaluga on the other hand, that was a great show!)

2: Art cures Art. The best thing you can do, after recieving a negative review, no matter what creative field you work in, is to create something. It may sound against your bruised muse to say "I will move on, inspire me, Calliope", but creating something new is as good a cure for review related depression as you can get. Even if that thing you have made to cure your injured ego is recieved poorly, create more Art, and always do so. If you were born to do it, you must do it, or you will die in a miserable state of regret.

3: People are forgiving. You must forgive them also. You must be forgiving to your critics, as Jesus was. I know "What Would Jesus Do?" sounds lame and contrived coming from a guy who writes Fantasy books with multiple gods and goddesses in them, but I am a religious man, as I have seen things you wouldn't believe. Jesus didn't just die and come back, he also dealt with many critics himself. His critics said things like "He has Beelzebul in him!" and "Only God can forgive sins!", but he died for them anyway, and while he was doing his thing in his pre-crucifixion days, he never yelled at a critic without a righteous anger. I know I'll get angry letters from my atheist friends and readers, but I am less ashamed of my beliefs than I used to be, and I am able to use a basic knowledge of the Bible, forced on me in a Ministry and Leadership class I only took to get the extra HSC unit, to illustrate my points. But although I am a religious man, I also believe in a mixture of sacred, and secular teachings. Secular teachings, like Jane Austen's proverb: "First impressions are often misleading". A negative review often contains advice, but a bad review, often confused with a negative review, deliberately sets out to attack you. Most wise reviewers do not write bad reviews, negative ones are given, if they feel the work deserves some pointers on prose or style or artform, but rarely, unless Ego becomes a monster, do they deliberately attack you.

So that's my discourse on the Negative Review. I'm off to study now, I'll post again soon!

- Jacob Martin
AKA TeenAuthor

More on the Kindle: Like most of it's features, but not all

2007-12-04T17:09:00.000-08:00

http://www.amazon.com/Kindle-Amazons-Wireless-Reading-Device/dp/B000FI73MA

Now I've said some pretty harsh things about the Kindle. Having watched the updated site, there are some good features of the Kindle, like free Wikipedia on the go, and the free dictionary that you can access while you read, however, the PDF conversion issue would still stop me from buying this object. Yes, it's convenient, but as most e-books are in PDF, particularly the ones I read, personally I would wait until this "experimental" stage, as they call it, is finalised and fixed.

Also the price tag is a bit much for a black and white screen device. Yes, the technology is great, but what happens to my $400 dollars about three years down the track when the new colour screen version is released?

Like iPods, I predict that the Kindle will constantly have new variations, unless, unlike Apple, Amazon develop a spine and decide that the world doesn't need endless versions of the same product. By the looks of things, it seems like you wouldn't really need any new versions of the Kindle past the colour screen, and once the price tag goes down, the PDF issue is fixed, and colour screens for Kindles can be had, I'd consider buying one if I had the money. Which I don't, at the moment.

I hope that this device becomes popular, since once the bugs are taken out it could become a well designed product, however I hope for all our sakes that Amazon don't turn into the greedy Apple that is now rotten to the core.

More will be said later.

- Jacob Martin
AKA TeenAuthor

More Technology Madness

2007-11-27T18:21:00.000-08:00

http://www.smh.com.au/news/web/friends-foes-and-facebook/2007/11/25/1195962828218.html

More proof that Facebook is bad news. Be vigilant against social networking sites run by corporations!

http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2007/11/23/1195975914416.html

A Microsoft bungle. Nuff said.

http://www.smh.com.au/news/articles/going-for-a-song/2007/07/11/1186857513145.html

*WARNING: Lengthy Rant about Internet and Gadgets Ahead... Yuppies and Snobs be Warned!!!*

This article got me thinking. For a lot of people, the only reason why people download files illegally is because they are not available for legal download. This is mostly due to traditionalist media clinging onto old forms of distribution. Because the Internet offers things in a matter of seconds or hours depending on how big the file is, it's a lot faster to download something than to wait for it to come out in Australia, which has often been a victim of the tyranny of distance, our isolation means that neither imports or exports can be released quickly. Also, postal schedules are horrific if you order a book off Amazon.com, meaning you have to wait weeks to obtain your order. And with the development of E-Book readers, I predict that in the future, printed books will become like CDs or Records, people will still buy them, however the portability of new E-Book readers will make E-Books take off like MP3s, especially if colour display E-Book readers are developed at an affordable price with high compatibility with most file formats. I prefer the Cybook to the Kindle because Cybook supports PDF, the leading format of E-Books, and Kindle does not, as it has DRM and Amazon forces Kindle users to buy E-Books from their service, oppressing the consumer in the name of corporate greed. In the future, we may well be technologically enslaved by corporate brand names into buying things from inconvenient services, but I say we should fight such enslavement before it begins. Even the Ipod lets you upload your own CDs onto it. Kindle should support PDF in the same way, as it is a very nice file format that has almost become a universal standard in online bookshops. We should demand a better technology at a cheaper price, instead of being conned by gadget companies into buying expensive paperweights that will become obsolete because of a new release from the same company months later. Non-ecologically sustained economics will be the downfall of humanity if we do not act now. Consumers that suckle on the teat of instant gratification from new release technology that cashed up yuppies buy and brag about and generally stick up their noses at those less wealthy as them, must be weaned.

I am not a cashed up yuppie who can just go out and buy the latest gadget. Often I must wait years until I can afford one new gadget for Christmas. I had to wait years until I was permitted to have an iPod Nano for Christmas last year, and you know what happened? Now Apple have released an even better version than my Ipod Nano that I can't afford, but I am content with my humble 2 Gig iPod Nano. It is the fact that I own it at all that is a privilege. It was either a 2 Gig one or no iPod Nano at all, for that was all my family could afford. My brother bought one with a higher Gig limit, but then again, he always tends to con my parents into giving him the snazzier gadgets. Not that I mind. He shares, at least.

So I might not have the latest gadget, or the latest phone... So what! I barely use my mobile phone except for emergencies, and my iPod Nano is well loved, because I earned it. I take care of it instead of casting it aside and demanding an upgrade. I do this because I do not buy gadgets I know I will not use. I simply can't afford to make a mistake with a gadget purchase. Books, DVDs and CDs are products I consume more, and thus I buy them more often, as I know I will use them. My brother sometimes shakes his head at the number of books I buy and read, however I do not feel guilty about my purchases, at least most of the time. This is because I save up money of my own, and I have a right to spend it. And I spend it widely, as well as wisely.

The problem with gadgets sometimes is that a corporation like Apple rises up and becomes so popular that you are looked down on for not having their latest product. And sometimes you almost agree with them, that is the sad truth of brand propaganda. Even the most popular brand may not be the best product. I have had friends who wanted their iPods repaired, and the Apple stores refused. This is because of the Huxleyan "Ending is better than mending" consumerist mantra of our Brave New Digital World. It serves a company's interest to create a product that will break down, even if it costs a lot, it will not necessarily last long. The point of this is so that you are forced to buy a new product.

I believe in quality products, and the iPod Nanos I have found to be better design and far more long lasting than the larger iPods, mine has survived a lot, whereas brand new 60 Gig iPods have broken in days. I am certain that this problem is not unique to Apple, the X-Box 360 had flaws and the Playstation 3 no longer sells consoles that play both PS3 and PS2 games. Always remember that brand loyalty is not wisdom, it is blindness. A consumer who considers their purchases and opts for the best products, not buying them as soon as they come out, but waiting until they become better designed / cheaper, is one who enjoys the most use and life out of their gadgets.

I honestly do not care if people say that I am a supporter of inferior products for my support of products I think are superior, at least for my personal use and simplicity in operation. I also use my gadgets until the day they die, keeping my Nintendo 64 that still works and playing my Game Boy and Game Boy Advanced games when I can get the time.

Technology was meant to make our lives easier. Instead brand gadgets have made life harder, as social stigma for thinking outside branding has created a society of drones who only listen to Our Ford who tells them that they need the latest phone that's also an internet viewer which you have to pay to use. I remember when Phones were simple things used for communication purposes only. If I wanted to play games I had a Game Boy Advanced to do that, and I took care of the gaming consoles of my youth, enabling my children to enjoy them if they last into my middle age.

It doesn't have to be this way. My support for the iPod Nano comes from its usability, rather than its brand focus. I shall not be buying another iPod, because of Apple's constant rereleasing of a new version of it. Instead I will look into other options if the unthinkable happens and my gadget shakes off its mortal coil.

My brother once gave a Viking funeral to his broken record player. I think gadgets must be used to the end, they may not be trendy in the future, but use your old gadgets until their circuits fry. Better a gadget dies with honour, fulfilling its duty, than to be tossed aside like a rake discard lovers when he has found them boring, which is an insult to the product that once brought joy and ease to a formerly complicated Luddite life. Not that the Digital age is any simpler. We have merely exchanged physical exhaustion for mental exhaustion in our embrace of the computer generation.

I will be posting more about technology later on, but for now, I bid you goodbye, for I need to study. I have a HSC to do.

- Jacob Martin,
AKA TeenAuthor

The 2007 Federal Election (And why I'll turn Punk if Howard wins it)

2007-11-23T20:01:00.000-08:00

It's Election time again, and I'm on the edge of my seat (pun intended).

I consider myself no longer a Labour exclusive voter, I have now realised that the only reason why I would vote for Kevin Rudd, is because I am tired of John Howard. However, I would be so peturbed by a John Howard victory, that I would seriously be shaken to the core about my faith in Australian democracy. I support a free society in Australia, and instead of being a Party Bore I have now become aware of my lack of subscription to any one political party. I'll even vote for The Greens if they have a good grounding in environmental policies that Liberal and Labour seem to be slacking off on.

Why am I not voting today? It's simple. I'm not yet 18 years of age, the milestone where a male becomes not a boy, but a Man. I already consider myself a Man in my own eyes, yet my society's structure says that I am not capable of making an informed political decision until I am 18. I say that's bollocks.

What disturbs me even more is that because I can't vote today, I can't have my say and express my views. And the fact that many people my age are not interested in voting at all. A lack of interest in the politics that run your country leads to a slumber of judgement, allowing tyrants to rule over you like despots. Voting solves this problem, in theory, because a democratic election allows for a change of government. Trouble is, if too many people disagree with you, because the majority rules, your choice of government may not be someone else's.

This causes, in the Australian system, to vote in a government for periods longer than it is safer to have them. A new system, where each Prime Minister had a limited number of terms in power, would solve this, instead of forcing Australia to live under one lackluster PM like John Howard for eleven years or more. A lack of change in government results in a lack of change in new policies, and Prime Ministers that hold onto power for the sake of it, as well as not changing Australia for the better. The problem arises: Australians are comfy with one PM constantly in office, and do not care about the effects it has on people who are not big business owners. WorkChoices, that Orwellian double-speak for lowering wages and increasing working hours, does not provide choice for employees at all, and Karl Marx, if he were alive today, would decry such an exploitation of the working class. However, Communism wasn't that good an alternative either, because that system was just as oppressive as the old one. So what do we do?

I honestly will not know until every last vote is counted tonight. And as I have told my mother, if John Howard gets in power again, I will be going Punk. I will not be a violent terrorist, but an example of the friendlier face of Anarchy, peacefully protesting by taking a CD Player with batteries in it to blare my The Clash Singles album at the City, and hopefully, that will wake up Australians from what Paul Keating described the Menzies government as: The Rip Van Winkle Years, a term that equally describes John Howard's geezer aristocracy.

I will be going to pick up my brother from the airport now, as he is returning from Schoolies Week, and I will greet him warmly. John Howard will not be getting so warm a greeting from me if he wins, instead he will be the enemy of my penstroke, which is mightier than the sword...

- Jacob Martin
AKA TeenAuthor

My First Lulu.com Royalty Check (and an Internet discussion)

2007-11-23T19:29:00.000-08:00

I got $8.98 Australian for my first Royalty Check. Not much, in Author Superstar terms, but this reflects that I currently have people interested in my work.

This also reflects that although some may frown on Lulu Authors as unprofessional, because I have been paid for my efforts, no matter how small the payment, it is my first foray into professional writing.

Will Self and his ilk can cram it for all I care. Money talks, and intellectual snobbery doesn't even walk, it just sits at its armchair and complains about how people who are using the New Media of the Internet to make a name for themselves are encouraging supposed mediocrity.

I also recieved encouragement from friends and internet forum buddies that showed me that the Internet can be more than just an ideological battleground, it is a wild land, not so much a jungle of mediocrity, but an untamed, digital intellectual biosphere, that like the real environment in the physical world, must not be destroyed by Internet trolls and those who merely use it to rant and rave their own ideas with violently verbal arguments. If the internet is to become "civilised", we must not make the mistakes of the British and Roman Empires of colonialism, and the noble savages of the Internet, those who started it as a peaceful Eden of the expression of thought and forum of peaceful discussion, must not be murdered and have their land taken from them. In order to make the Internet a better place, we must work together with the traditional medias and the Netizens of the world, for a better Information Highway, a well build road of trade, safe travel, and the lack of constant attack, quite unlike the marauder infested road more akin to the Mad Max movies than the safe Information Highway it once was.

I dislike "Writer's Group" forums, as these groups often attack Lulu and Self-published Authors and claim that they are not Authors at all. I have experienced much backlash for arguing with rigid traditionalists, quite unlike the peaceful traditional-press published Authors who have given me a good deal of support on other forums that have more merit to them. I could address the bias against Fantasy Authors that occurs on the Internet and elsewhere, however that is a whole 'nother discussion altogether. I long have since abandoned MySpace, since it was bought by that media mogul Rupert Murdoch, as I dislike major corporations taking over websites that were once for the people, and not concerned with corporate profit. I have boycotted Facebook, because I have read several articles about unreasonable collection of personal data that goes on there, that you can find in the Sydney Morning Herald Archives. I also have boycotted Facebook because although it provides a useful service of connecting with old school friends, it comes at the price of your privacy. Which is why I consider Blogger to be my chief outlet of my web presence, as well as the fabulously intriguing new web-cataloging site LibraryThing.com, which does not collect personal information for the purpose of selling it, it is entirely a benevolent entity that is for the sole purpose of booklovers and a love of literature and the Arts in general. And I dearly hope and expect that it stays that way.

MySpace was an entirely useless waste of exhibitionist drivel that used the fixation of celebrity (and now, Web-Celebrity) to exploit the egos of the masses who wanted their 15 minutes of fame, and most never got it. Not only that, but the friend adding system was incredibly annoying, you add one band that you like, and then every band on the damned site wanted your "friendship", even though they barely knew you, and had no interest in you other than to use you to spread the word about their music, whether they be talented or not, to others. And then there was the fixation of MySpacers who had committed suicide and posted their suicide notes on their MySpaces for the world to see. Suicide is a tragedy in itself, and ever since Romeo and Juliet, The Sorrows of Young Werther, and even Ozzy Osbourne's song Suicide Solution, a cult of the suicide has been established, and the Internet has been used to express sorrow in a way that the shy and powerless felt comfortable using. In Japan, suicide has its own chat groups on the web. But that has as much to do with the suicide culture of Bushido, or "death before dishonour", as the Internet being a place that influences the young and depressed. MySpace became a phenomenon where the cult of self-destruction came to the West, and copycat MySpace suicides appeared in varying frequency, reported in newspapers that used the shock and horror of teenage suicide to shamelessly exploit the fears of parents to not only sell papers, but to market fear, causing parents to restrict Internet use of teenagers.

The appeal of MySpace and Facebook was that young people would have a place of their own, not having parents over their shoulders when they expressed themselves, but I have heard horror stories of paedophiles stalking MySpacers, and bosses checking employee's MySpace and Facebook activities to judge their suitability to work for them. What the young and ignorant did not realise is that the Internet is a place where the whole world is watching you, for good or ill. I place myself under significant risk by posting this very message, as some of you may think I am a ranting teenager with no idea about the subject I speak of.

But here is my somewhat uplifting conclusion:

Hopefully as technology changes, it will change for the better. But every web surfer must take account of the waves in the digital sea, and make sure they are not caught in the riptides of self-oriented Egocentrism. The Internet is bigger than everybody, that's a fact. It's all our digital world, we just live in it.

- Jacob Martin
AKA TeenAuthor

And we're back... with a Debate Vengeance!

2007-11-13T00:29:00.000-08:00

I do not need to apologise to my readers for being away for so long, I have a HSC to do, you know, and I've got a ton of work that needs completing.

Instead of going into my emotionally wrecked state resulting from a new school term after all my Year 12 buddies my age have gone onto their own careers, while I'm still stuck in the Board of Studies education system due to the Pathways Program, I'll present you with something I call an open debate. Send your comments and we can try and come to a conclusion about a matter that concerns us all... well, most of us have bought a CD once in their life if they're under ten years old, right?

I have taken to stocking up on albums that I consider worthy of my shelf. Gone are the days when one can afford to build a massive rare record collection like my brother's, as they don't make records no more, sonny! (Well, they do make records, but they're all digitally remastered and have no soul like the vinyl of old did.)

In my youth, I had terrible taste in music. I confess to owning an original "Hampsterdance: The Album" CD first pressing. Back when I was around twelve to thirteen, I tended to get "compilation CDs" of various artist's pop chart hits, even if there was only a few songs worth listening to them on them, that was how shameless I was in my consumerism of trashy pop music. Then I got older, and I mooched music off my brother for a while, storing it when I copied it off his albums onto my portable 30 GIG hard drive. But then it got full, after many years of use. I still use it, and it still works. My logic works like this: If I just want a few tracks, I can mooch it off my brother's CDs, but if I like an album, and I REALLY like it, I'll buy it on CD for my personal collection. (That reminds me, my brother never did give me back my BeeGees "Number Ones" album...)

But hang on, now there's MP3s I can download. Trouble is, even if I did download songs, legally or illegally, if legally, I would forever be annoyed by iTunes suggesting new songs that "other people" who bought the same stuff downloaded, plus iTunes songs don't work on other MP3 players, because Apple is no longer the cheerful alternative to Microsoft it once was, now because of the iPod success, it will find ways to make sure you buy iPods without a second thought. If illegally, Google tracks my searches to "help me". Now I've said some bad things about Google before, but their new privacy policy and options to not have your information sold, has redeemed this corporation in my eyes. What you'll also notice in their Privacy Policy when you sign up for Google Reader or something like that, is that they comply with legitimate search warrants and law courts. Which, in essence, means that if you're a paedophile searching child porn on Google, or, on topic, if you download songs illegally by finding a search engine using Google to locate it for your pirating activities, you're screwed if Google decide that the courts or police need your searching information.

CDs, on the other hand, even "Best Of" collections, which are worth less than actual albums, will generally provide you with a hard copy of an album or a collection of songs which is reliable for use in a good, non-spin CD Player Stereo system. What's also good about CDs is that you can upload your songs from them into your iPod or any other MP3 player without any hassle usually.

Trouble is, with CDs, they can scratch, or break, or warp in the sun, or wear out from overuse. As my Mum discovered, they can also get stuck in some CD players by accident, forcing you to listen to "The Best of Mozart" over and over again on that player. That is why backing them up as MP3s is a good idea, for personal use only and not to distribute like a hooligan on the web.

The other good thing about CDs, is that you actually feel the satisfaction of owning something you can physically hold in its case. This nice touch of CDs on a shelf may not be as impressive as records were, but their compact size allows you to keep them on a shelf space in large numbers.

Another downside of CDs is that sometimes they cost too much for new release albums. However, such is the state of modern pop music that you're actually better off buying classic (and cheaper) albums, since although there is the odd post-2000 album that really resonates with the soul, most of them are commercially manufactured drivel if they're Top 40 chart albums. There is a solution to this, there are a few shops in Sydney near where I go to school in the City that sell CDs cheaper than usual, like JB Hi-Fi, Rock Bottom CDs and the rest.

Now I'm not dissing MP3s, it's just that the legal download services like iTunes have somewhat limited archives of music, and it's hard to find some obscure artists there. CDs on the other hand, deliver a wide variety of musicians. Yet sometimes CDs of the artist you are looking for are far and few, or are not even available. That is where MP3 wins in its ability to be collected in an archive easier, unable to be destroyed by mildew or weather conditions.

In closing, I have no other things to say. The rest is up to you to argue.

- Jacob Martin

Pictures from Google Images that relate to "Jacob Martin"

2007-10-31T23:01:00.000-07:00

Here's a whacky collection of images somehow related to my name... at least Google thinks so anyway!

I ain't dead yet!

This is the Indian Cricketer named Jacob Joseph Martin, and he's hogging the Wikipedia article on "Jacob Martin", which means I'm not really famous enough to get my own Wikipedia entry. I say "Good for him", since India needs good Cricketers to beat Australia.

I sincerely hope people don't think this is me...

Or this either... What is that?

That's more like it! If only I actually rode a motorcycle and wasn't terrified of crashing, that would be me, only slightly nerdier.

- Jacob Martin, Former Teen, Still Author.

NanoWrimo starts Tomorrow!

2007-10-30T22:45:00.000-07:00

I hope NanoWrimo doesn't hurt my HSC study too much, my final Visual Arts exam is next week, and yet, I feel the urge, that sprawling fantasy epic urge, to write a book.

Will post new news soon!

- Jacob Martin

Almost done on The Unwritten Book

2007-10-27T07:55:00.000-07:00

I've been working on a book called The Unwritten Book. What that is, you'll have to wait and see when I publish it...

- Jacob Martin

Interesting Movie essay

2007-10-21T20:13:00.000-07:00

http://www.smh.com.au/news/film/a-spanner-in-the-works-of-the-hollywood-machine/2007/10/19/1192301018326.html

Hold onto your hats, traditionalists, if ye dare to tread the murky depths of industry change, reflected in this essay, which I found very interesting.

Enjoy.

- Jacob Martin

The Early Bird gets the Worm

2007-10-21T19:41:00.000-07:00

http://www.smh.com.au/news/federalelection2007news/the-worm-turns-and-sneaks-back-on-screen-to-bite-howard/2007/10/21/1192940909339.html

I am speechless at this announcement. I really have nothing to say. The article speaks for itself.

Sincerely,

Jacob Martin, Former Teen, Still Author.

DUMBLEDORE IS GAY!!!

2007-10-20T09:35:00.000-07:00

Dumbeldore, according to this article, is gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/cbbcnews/hi/newsid_7050000/newsid_7054000/7054074.stm

Frankly, I think Dumbledore coming out of the closet in book 6 of Harry Potter would have been better, at least in book 7...

But could this be a desperate cry for attention from Rowling since the book series is over?

Possibly not. Book publishers, particularly for children, are conservative in what gets published, and Dumbledore's "Village People" tendencies could have been left out due to pressure. However, it could well be a cry for attention, we need to know more about Dumbledore and Grindlewald's "Brokeback Mountain" adventures!

Cheers,

Jacob Martin

P.S.: I am fine with gay people, and know two male and one female homosexuals personally. Hopefully I do not offend them with my various euphemisms...

Busy with my HSC

2007-10-20T02:07:00.000-07:00

It's exam time, and although I completed my first half of the English Advanced exams, Paper Two looms over Monday. But I don't feel stressed.

Basically a late realisation of why we are studying these texts and what they really mean has come in handy, and I don't fear my impending exams, my Visual Arts exam has no flies on it, as we Aussies used to say.

At this time of year, a good study plan, as "Angstoberfest", the period where the HSC student gets really stressed and hates all life in the Board of Studies, comes to an end, is vital. Don't rush your study, you remember more when you have a clear, rested mind. Jot your practice papers on notebook paper, and your thoughts will sort themselves, say what you are writing so you become one with the knowledge within!

As you may have noticed, my posting on this blog has been erratic due to study and various creative projects. Remember, the Internet is your friend, except during study lockdown. IGNORE your friends on MSN Messenger or any other IM, and only talk to them during study breaks. Even blogs must be neglected in the name of the HSC.

Creative types really get hit hard by the HSC because their creative projects get put on hold in order to study. If you write books, poems and stories, do not neglect the Arts entirely, write notes and organise them. Take a notebook wherever you go to jot down inspirations for later, and download KeyNote to organise them on your computer. (Google it now)

The Board Of Studies, although heading the English Advanced course down a slippery slope, want to help you. Ignore everything I said before about the Board of Studies, particularly when I said they're scum. But everything about Julie Bishop and the Education System is wholeheartedly My Humble Opinion, take it or leave it.

Anyway, I have to get back to study. My Mum is still nagging me, and I must go.

Cheers,

Jacob Martin.

Eyebrow Raising Articles 11/10/07

2007-10-11T02:19:00.000-07:00

http://www.smh.com.au/news/opinion/democracy-some-dont-want-it-many-dont-care/2007/10/10/1191695986236.html

This article is sure to cook up a storm...

http://www.smh.com.au/news/National/Brown-tells-PM-End-gay-discrimination/2007/10/11/1191696068036.html

Here's another one that's sure to stir controversy as well.

http://www.smh.com.au/news/National/AWAs-put-womens-wages-back-to-70s/2007/10/11/1191696062502.html

And another one for the ladies who read my blog...

And finally...

http://www.smh.com.au/news/opinion/art-royalties-arent-rocket-science/2007/10/10/1191695986239.html

Enjoy the moral outrage...

Sincerely,

Jacob Martin, Former Teen, Still Author.

I'm entering NanoWrimo!

2007-10-09T20:26:00.000-07:00

I'm entering National Novel Writer's Month this year, which is actually international now.

I'll be writing a book called "The Very Worst Book Ever Written" which is a title that should speak for itself.

Cheers,

Jacob Martin

Movie Review: Midnight Cowboy

2007-10-06T07:00:00.001-07:00

I'll tell you this, it's sad.

Not Gone with the Wind sad, but...

:'(

Hamlet sad, possibly even more tragic!

Midnight Cowboy is about two Male prostitutes trying to survive, and one of them, Rico, wants to go to Florida to start a new life outside of New York slums, away from his unheated apartment and poverty.

Telling you anything else would be a spoiler.

You must see it. I give it 10 out of 10 "Radios".

A Bit of Fry and Laurie - Mr Dalliard - Models

2007-10-03T09:09:00.001-07:00

Stephen Fry as an Evil Model Airplane Shop-Owner! ROFL!

A Bit of Fry and Laurie - Psychiatrists

2007-10-03T08:40:00.001-07:00

Stephen Fry as a crazy person? That boy needs therapy!

A Bit of Fry and Laurie-The Polite Rap

2007-10-03T08:35:00.001-07:00

The Polite Rap. Rap need not be about dissin' bitches and ho's, they need respect and courtesy too. Word up!

A Bit of Fry and Laurie -

2007-10-03T08:27:00.001-07:00

"Where is the Lid?" That is the question Hugh Laurie asks in this song.

Hey Jude

2007-10-03T08:18:00.001-07:00

Hugh Laurie sings "Hey Jude" in a Chipmunk voice. LOL...

A Bit Of Fry and Laurie - Barman

2007-10-03T08:03:00.001-07:00

Let's see if this Fry and Laurie sketch will post... my favorite ones won't!

A Bit of Fry and Laurie - Privatization of the Police Force

2007-10-03T07:48:00.001-07:00

I'm trying to see if I can successfully post a Fry and Laurie sketch on my blog without getting an error message, Heeeere goes!

Musical Review: By Jeeves

2007-10-03T07:00:00.000-07:00

Now, I can say that I am a fan of Andrew Lloyd Webber's musicals, The Phantom of the Opera in particular, however I had mixed feelings about By Jeeves, which is Webber's musical interpretation of P.G. Wodehouse's "Jeeves and Wooster" character cast. Essentially this musical, like the books and stories that spawned it, is like an exhibit of dinosaur bones, greatly entertaining to look at, but also preserving the fossilised values of pre-World War II British society.

Bertie Wooster gets into a jam, he has used another man's name in court when he was arrested, and the man he has impersonated impersonates Wooster. That is the basic plot that is the start of many, many further "jams". But what makes this interesting is the lack of the spectacular, crowd pulling scenery, the premise of this filmed production I saw of it on the Ovation channel, was that what you see is a stage revue of Bertie Wooster playing the banjo, yet his banjo has been stolen, so Jeeves encourages him to entertain the audience (which you can see, the camera is used to portray you, the viewer, as one of the audience in one of the most clever production tricks I have ever seen) with "reminiscing" about the muddle he has gotten himself into before coming to perform on stage. As Jeeves says, the props rely on imagination, and many are representational. And therein lies the fun, with Jeeves and Wooster "breaking the fourth wall" in a sense whenever Wooster cannot bear the various messes he has gotten into.

I'm not an expert on Wodehouse's characters, but I know enough to figure out that from what was depicted in this production, the style and humor of the characters were accurate to Wodehousian literary standards.

Yes, it does drag on a fair bit. This is partly why I have mixed feelings about it. But all the same, I feel it is one of Webber's best, despite it being a theatrical failure at the box office as I have read that this musical was.

Wodehouse fans will be happy with this, and it serves as a good primer for the Jeeves and Wooster newcomers. I give this 8 out of 10 "Jam Jars" for its efforts.

Cat Talking

2007-10-01T01:26:00.001-07:00

Just a test video of Cats talking, as I don't think my YouTube video posting is working at the moment. At least this isn't a bad quality video, it's entertaining to say as much.

1000 Hits!

2007-10-01T00:06:00.000-07:00

This is a momentous occassion for this blog, as 1000 hits, is... well... 1000 hits. Needless to say, throughout the ages, 1000 is a special number. It's a millennial number.

I don't know much about Mathematics, but in my books, the number 1000 holds a significance in the way it sounds... one thousand...

But it also means this blog is a step closer to becoming half as popular as the more popular blogs out there. Neil Gaiman's blog gets over a million people visiting a day, but that's because he's more famous than I am, and he's been blogging for longer. Chris Sims's blog is also a long running blog, he's not nearly as famous as Neil is, but he deserves to be.

Maybe I just need to put some more content up that people will read, and I'll get more famous for that. Hopefully.

- Jacob Martin, Former Teen, Still Author.

I got attacked by a Butterfly!

2007-09-30T23:47:00.000-07:00

It's great to go outside from your cave-like bedroom, and experience the garden you rarely visit. So I thought some fresh are and nature inhaling (Please, inhale nature responsibly, and don't inhale any nature that looks suspicious). Since I was going out there, Mum made me water the garden. (Not as bad as it sounds, it's good for your health)

I was watering the garden, when suddenly, a small butterfly launched out of the bush and bumped against my face...

Either it was trying to kiss me, or it was trying to defend its home from Ye Water Dragon Known as The Hose Beast of Abbotsford. I like to think it was trying to kiss me.

It looked kind of like a Fairy, so that might be what it was also. You never know...

- Jacob Martin, Former Teen, Still Author

Drop - by Osamu Tezuka

2007-09-30T21:12:00.001-07:00

A short Tezuka Anime about a sailor who is very thirsty. This is the first time I've watched it, so my analysis of this Anime isn't exactly developed enough to make a long comment, other than the fact that it's a quirky cartoon about the old paradox of a thirsty sailor in an ocean of water that's undrinkable. Enjoy!

Memory(Tezuka_1964)

2007-09-30T21:05:00.001-07:00

Another Osamu Tezuka short Anime, about the nature of memories. I really ought to let more people know about his short Anime's, because although Tezuka was famous for his TV animations which were longer, he could create short works that were just as profound. I had not seen this one before, but I was awestruck!

Rush Hour 3 - He is Mi and I am Yu

2007-09-30T05:26:00.001-07:00

This is a funny clip from "Rush Hour 3" that my mate Angus sent to me. He's Chinese-Australian, so he loves Asian styled humor like this. So I'm really posting it for him...

Jumping

2007-09-30T03:41:00.001-07:00

This is another Osamu Tezuka short Anime that he completed before he died. The premise of it is that it is a single view shot the whole way through the film, without changing the "camera" angle from a single directional view shot. It's also fun, too. Hope you enjoy it!

Osamu Tezuka - Broken Down Film (1985)

2007-09-30T03:26:00.001-07:00

Neil Gaiman isn't the only creative person I like. Despite being dead now, I have an appreciation of the Anime of Osamu Tezuka, who practically invented Japanese cartoons. Other than doing "Astro Boy" and "Kimba the White Lion", he also made a few independent Anime films. This is one of them, and you're in for a real treat. "Broken Down Film" is structured like a very old cartoon on a worn out film reel, so that the characters are inconvienced by jumps of the picture, and grainy resolution that interrupts interaction between the characters. Enjoy!

Demon Cats

2007-09-30T03:05:00.001-07:00

Cats can be funny, but if you don't treat them right, they can be downright scary. These cats are very angry, as you can see. Their owners are idiots who won't leave them alone when they try to rest. I own a cat, and I would never treat my cat like the cat owners in this video do. These cats have so many "issews" that they need Dr. Phil.

TeenAuthor's SQB: New direction in postings

2007-09-30T00:56:00.000-07:00

Well, you may have noticed that instead of giving you links to YouTube videos, I can give you the actual videos now, since I got myself a YouTube account. This enables me to post videos and still acknowledge that I did not make these videos, so that I do not break any copyright rules.

Posting YouTube videos is an exciting new feature of my blog, however, for those Media Traditionalists, the SQB will not, I repeat, will not, become merely just another Video blog. This blog is about me. I simply wish to share with you the YouTube videos that I like watching.

However, I started out on this blog, as a mere Luddite stepping his toe into the World Wide Web. I still hold a commitment to posting original material, as well as news about my writing career.

Hopefully I will be able to share with you this piece of cyberspace in a new, and refreshing way, and theoretically, that will get me more visitors. In closing, the original material/YouTube material quota will be balanced for fairness to my loyal readers.

Sincerely, Jacob Martin, Former Teen, Still Author.

Cats!

2007-09-30T00:54:00.001-07:00

Just a funny collection of Feline related clips I found on YouTube. Hope you like it!

Neil Gaiman and Scandanavian Death Metal

2007-09-30T00:52:00.001-07:00

This is the last installment of my "Neil Gaiman YouTube Extravaganza" since I can't get the "Neil Scary Trousers Gaiman" one to post to my blog. Enjoy!

Neil Gaiman at Keplers - Jewish upbringing

2007-09-30T00:48:00.001-07:00

Not many may know this, but Neil Gaiman is Jewish, though his upbringing may not be obvious when you see what he writes, he drops it into his work occasionally. Enjoy!

Movie Review: Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny

2007-09-30T00:34:00.000-07:00

Movie review time again.

Those familiar with the legends of Rock and Roll will recognise the many references to Metal Mythology as presented in this entertaining, but crude, motion picture. It is a fictionalised telling of the formation of the band "Tenacious D", a rock band with Jack Black and Kyle Gass as the members of a musical dynamic duo.

On this project, Jack Black was given full reign over the creative process, and it shows. This is purely a Rock and Roll romp, with lots of swearing, innuendo and "power slide" stage moves. It is a tribute to Rock music, but at the same time, it references the many "Quest" genre films and stories. Ben Stiller appears in this as a long haired Guitar shop worker with too much time on his hands, and Meat Loaf stars in the opening "Kickapoo" sequence as Jack Black's father.

All in all, only the Musically minded of Rock and Metal will appreciate this film, but it has universal appeal for those not quite as entrenched in Rock music as Jack Black is. I give it 7 out of 10 "Picks of Destiny".

Neil Gaiman Discusses H. P. Lovecraft

2007-09-29T20:49:00.001-07:00

Neil Gaiman talks about H.P. Lovecraft, another Horror writer, in a very entertaining way. One of my favorite YouTube Videos.

Authors@Google: Neil Gaiman

2007-09-29T18:25:00.001-07:00

This is a nice video that YouTube of Neil Gaiman doing a book talk and reading. I post this as part of my "Neil Gaiman YouTube Extravaganza", which will feature at least Three YouTube videos of Neil. Enjoy!

Movie Review: Edward Scissorhands

2007-09-29T05:54:00.000-07:00

It's that time again, where I review a movie I have just seen, and I wrestle with my memory of what I have watched to put together a meaningful review that informs and entertains.

And all I can say about Tim Burton's "Edward Scissorhands" is...

Wow. Just... Wow.

You wouldn't think now, since Johnny Depp has become a teen idol persona again, that he can also play outsider characters that touch your soul. In this, he plays Edward Scissorhands, the created man made by a Professor who looks remarkably like a very old Vincent Price... wait a minute, that IS Vincent Price, giving the last ever film performance of his life!

Anyway, the Professor dies, before completing his creation, only Edward's hands are incomplete, leaving him with scissors for hands. These scissorhands, are both a blessing, and a curse. He is gifted in topiary cutting, hairdressing, and dog grooming, and his uniqueness brings joy to a suburban neighbourhood, yet these scissorhands are also a curse. He cannot touch things without destroying them, and cannot touch the woman he loves most. And what makes things worse is that the townsfolk exploit his talents and outlook on life for personal gain.

I won't give away the ending, but let me tell you this. I almost cried, my tear ducts were about to burst, as it was so beautifully sad. Johnny Depp is alone in a world that doesn't understand him, in a movie back before everybody wanted a piece of him in Hollywood. Depp, when he works with Tim Burton, works at his best.

Tim Burton is the King of Gothic cinema, and has endured long after the Gothic movement declined. He reminds us of the beauty of what the Gothic movement stood for, and its emphasis on the unique over the conforming society that the young had to start out from. This movie, next to "The Nightmare Before Christmas" is part of Burton's eternal connection with Goth, influencing many film-makers and directors since his humble origins as a Disney animator.

I give this 10 out of 10 "Scissorhands" as my Movie Rating.

Finally done Issue #3

2007-09-28T07:25:00.000-07:00

http://www.lulu.com/content/1251133

Supervillain! Issue #3. You know you want to read it.

Come on, it has Ninjas attacking a picnic. Now I bet you can't resist.

Sincerely, Jacob Martin, Former Teen, Still Author.

Supervillain! #3 almost done

2007-09-27T20:38:00.000-07:00

I've almost finished Supervillain! Issue #3, which sets the new format for the series, as a collection of stories that is serialised monthly. This one, in my mind, is the best one I've done so far. There is a balance of action with the dialogue of politics (I try my best to make the Politics interesting: "Mayor Moonshard vs Oscar Wilde" will serve as the politics side of the series for the "Decision 2050" story arc. Also, the first multi part story of the series begins with "Leroy's Big Score: Part One". Needless to say, the title suggests what might be happening with that plotline without giving too much away. What kind of "Big Score" is Leroy in for? Read Issue #3 to find out!

Another story I will keep under wraps apart from this, it will introduce Edgar Allan Poe to the plot continuity of the Supervillain! universe.

I will use the remainder of this post to remind my loyal readers to inform others of Supervillain! if you enjoy the series. Also, in the back of every issue of Supervillain is my "Unpaid Ads" section, where I promote blogs and websites I like. This issue's starring Unpaid Ad will be for Chris Sims' "Invincible Super Blog", a Comics and Pop Culture blog (http://www.the-isb.com/). If you think I would like a blog you know about, contact me at antsdoexist@gmail.com in order to secure a spot in the next issues' section. Remember, my publication is aimed at the educated, tasteful reader of (relatively) mature literature, so no tasteless Porn or Insurance company links please.

Cheers,

Jacob Martin, Former Teen, Still Author.

Trip to the Art Gallery of NSW (and other places)

2007-09-26T00:31:00.000-07:00

So I was taken to the Art Gallery after a really bad exam, which went horribly. Essentially my Mum took me to cheer me up, also to take me to see the Bookbinder's Exhibition before it closed the next day. There were some good bound books, and the one somebody made of J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Hobbit" was particularly interesting, as were the Aesop's Fables one and the Patrick White book.

Anyway, I discovered a Book Sale at the Reference Library where the exhibition was being held, and for $1.50 I got a great looking art catalogue for a German exhibition and a book of education sociology, which to me looked very interesting indeed, and when I have time I will read both. Also, Mum bought a hardcover catalogue for my Art Exam research, for $10.

Anyway, after we had to go to the car since the Parking Meter was ticking away, Mum took me Shoe Shopping. Ever since I was small, I loathed shoe shopping, but this experience wasn't nearly as bad as I remember Shoe Shopping as being, and I came out of the shop with a pair of black, slip on shoes, and they fit me rather well.

Then, I needed to get some afternoon tea, so we went to Rozelle (I live in Sydney) to Baker's Delight, which had Cinnamon Rolls. I was sent into the shop with $10 to buy two Cinnamon Rolls, and an Almond Roll for Mum. However, the lure of the Darling Street Books shop was too great, as the man who owned the place had looked out for me and tried to see if Carl Jung's "Man and his Symbols" was in stock. It was, and I bought it with $11.50 of my own money, and rushing to Baker's Delight, I bought the Cinnamon Rolls and the Almond one. However...

When I reached the spot where Mum needed to pick me up, she complained of traffic, and was "miffed" that she had to go around several times looking for me because I was in Darling Street Books. She argued with me in the car, happy for me that I was able to find the book I wanted from Darling Street Books, yet she was angry (and rightly so) that I had made her forced to circle the block to find me, when she could have found a parking spot.

I had found Jung, but at what cost? Perhaps more than $11.50, I can tell you...

A true story from today's adventures of mine.

Sincerely, Jacob Martin, Former Teen, Still Author.

Supervillain! Issue #2

2007-09-22T04:22:00.000-07:00

http://www.lulu.com/content/1224410

This is the latest installment of my serial, Supervillain!, which is still a free E-book issue.

Currently I'm working on the third, action packed Special Edition issue that has three stories "for the price of none"...

Sincerely, Jacob Martin, Former Teen, Still Author.

The Dialectizer! Internet Fun for All!

2007-09-20T23:54:00.000-07:00

http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/

This site translates any webpage or text (apart from Wikipedia, though I'm working on how to get past that barrier) into many humorous dialects.

Try it on blogs, on company websites, on anything! It even works on Gutenberg Project e-books with HTML features, which provides endless hours, of linguistic entertainment.

Here is the link to the Gutenberg Project:

http://www.gutenberg.org/wiki/Main_Page

What hath the Internet wrought?

Sincerely, Jacob Martin, Former Teen, Still Author.

Supervillain!: Issue #1 Out Now!

2007-09-18T04:55:00.000-07:00

The free e-Book of my serialised story sequence, "Supervillain!" is out now from Lulu.com, and in serialising it, I hope to be able to write more in less time, as my HSC is looming over me again like a vulture. It's a fusion of Fantasy with the Superhero genre of comics, only it's a prose serial.

It's wacky, it's weird, and it has elements of real world history in an alternate world where Fey Folk co-exist with Humans. In this, some celebrities are Fey Folk and thus are Immortals: Oscar Wilde is running for Mayor, H.P. Lovecraft teaches a 3rd Grader class, while around them, the world is changing and they must keep up with the times.

But really it's me having fun as a writer, building a mythology with parts of the world we know and sticking it together in the world of the imagination that I know.

Here's the link:

http://www.lulu.com/content/1209874

Hope you like it, and if you do, tell your friends about my serial so circulation increases.

Sincerely, Jacob Martin, TeenAuthor.

Free E-Book: "A Taster Plate of Scrumptious Previews"

2007-09-15T23:36:00.000-07:00

http://www.lulu.com/content/1206579

This is my free E-Book designed to showcase my upcoming work in the book world. I love to write, it is why I live. All are unfinished drafts, so don't take the works featured in it too seriously, but if you have some pointers for me, please leave some comments.

Sincerely, Jacob Martin, Former Teen, Still Author.

Can I really call myself "TeenAuthor" anymore?

2007-09-13T05:49:00.000-07:00

I feel like I'm growing up. Not in the physical sense, but the metaphysical, in maturity as well as body. After completing my final Christian Ministry and Leadership course, which I did not want to do and was forced to do for the 1 Unit towards my HSC, I feel like I have completed one of the rites of passage, that await me as the end of my Year Group's schooling career approaches. As a Pathways student, I will be left behind by my friends to complete my HSC, but despite the immaturity of the Year 11 group who will take their place, and which I will become part of in a sense, I cannot help, after a long, philosophical (and non-drugs influenced too!) conversation with one of my closest friends, that it could well be that I am becoming a man.

I am not yet 18, the official mark of manhood for Australians of Y Chromosome ownership, but yet, other cultures have boys that become men at much younger ages, such as in the Jewish religion. Perhaps, it has come the time when I have to finally confront the end of my childhood. But as much as I miss my childhood, I feel the urge to join into my age group's celebration of Adult Life.

I contemplated the nature of my joyous and mournful writing career. Am I more than just a teenage author, now that my childhood is ending and my identity as a Man has come? Will my talent transcend fleeting youth?

I say, it will, as I live to write, and I write to live. My work is part of my being, the way I reach out to people.

I write, to be loved. Not for fame, fortune, and material gain. Simply, to be loved. It is Human to want Love, and it is also Human to create. Will I be loved by my readers? Only my development as a writer will be able to tell me that. I used to think I could do without a single edit, now, I feel it must happen, or my works will be like Peter Pan, never developing past adolescence, in eternal childishness forevermore, and I would be ruined as an artist and creator.

But I will not give up. I had even begun my first sign of growing in wisdom. I was not discouraged by criticism of my work by a friend, and I will continue the book I discussed with them, taking on board the advice I was given, advice which breathed new life into a book struggling to learn to walk, after crawling so long as an infant idea.

I am a young man, and young men grow. I must develop, lest I grow stubborn in my old ways, facing reality as much as I write my literary fantasies that make people think.

And I will grow, oh yes. And I will conquer.

Sincerely, Jacob Martin. Former Teen, Still Author.

My Made Up Angst-Words

2007-09-12T07:43:00.000-07:00

Here are some words I made up relating to Angst:

Angst Sandwich:

Meaning 1: A metaphorical food that represents something that is particularly Angsty, Emo, Gothic, gloomy, or just plain Dark.

Man, Interview with a Vampire was a complete Angst Sandwich!

Meaning 2: (phrase) "To feel like one has eaten an Angst Sandwich": This is the feeling one gets in one's stomach when you are miserable.

Gee, I feel like I just ate an Angst Sandwich since my Girlfriend dumped me!

Angstalicious:

1: Something connected to or provoking feelings of Angst, extreme Angst in fact.

The Used's lyrics are Angstalicious!

Angst-erpiece:

1: An artwork, poem, musical composition/song, or work of literature that is so profound in its Angst, justifying every instance of it, that it trancends mere whining, it is ART.

The Catcher In The Rye is an Angst-erpiece and a Half!

Seriously though, contemporary words are popping up all the time. As long as history continues, new words to define it will emerge. Spread these ones around, and remember:

CHEER UP EMO KID!

Sincerely, Jacob Martin, TeenAuthor.

100 Posts-a-versary!

2007-09-09T23:20:00.000-07:00

I was waiting around for some decent material to bump up the posts before I started celebrating, as filler posts are bad.

Happy 100 Posts-A-Versary!

Sincerely, Jacob Martin, TeenAuthor.

Man Jailed for Jaywalking! APEC Outrage!

2007-09-08T21:40:00.000-07:00

http://www.smh.com.au/news/apec/jailed-for-jaywalking/2007/09/08/1188783554892.html

Yes, Australia is turning into a totalitarian regime now. Hopefully once APEC is over this police brutality will stop, but I'm too wise to think any better of the Government.

Sincerely, Jacob Martin, TeenAuthor.

Movie Review: Mad Max 3: Beyond Thunderdome

2007-09-08T05:38:00.000-07:00

I liked this Mad Max outing the best out of all the trilogy.

Mad Max has his camel cart stolen, which leads him to Bartertown, where he must do battle in the Thunderdome to get it back. The rules of Thunderdome are: Two men enter, one man leaves, and there are no rules.

Also, Max finds a lost group of children and adults who want to find the Tomorrow-Morrow Land of the Cities and Skyscrapers.

Plus, Tina Turner stars as Aunty in this. She's scary not because of her character, but because of her fashion wardrobe.

I give this 8 "Thunderdomes" out of 10.

Movie Review: Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior

2007-09-08T00:08:00.000-07:00

This Mad Max outing has more emphasis on the dystopic future than the last one, and a prologue of the history that precedes it is presented at the beginning.

Mad Max must get gasoline, and the world is becoming more brutal and ruthless in Humanity's struggle to survive. A fortress with a supply of "juice" is under constant attack from the Humungus Gang, and Max's only hope of survival is to help out the occupants of this fort.

There is more action than the last one in this sequel, but I didn't like it as much as the remarkably less grim and gritty original film.

I give it 7 "Gas tanks" out of 10.

Movie Review: Mad Max

2007-09-07T20:39:00.000-07:00

This is a movie that requires no intellectual effort to enjoy. Mel Gibson stars in this back in the days of big hair and big egos.

The violence that lies in the underbelly of 1970s Australian society is reflected here, and although it sometimes appears over the top, George Miller sparingly uses it to show just how far into madness people can go.

Melodramatic but fun.

8 and a Half "Muscle Cars" out of Ten, that's what I'm giving it.

Movie Review: Stranger than Fiction

2007-09-07T04:37:00.000-07:00

Will Ferrell has an actual emotional range. Despite what his lowbrow comedies which he tends to star in these days would have you believe, he's a really good actor.

An author is planning to kill off her main character, but has writer's block. Her character is Harold Crick, an IRS Tax Man, and he is real as the next real person.

CRINGE: as Harold struggles through his dull, bureaucratic lifestyle, infuriating others and himself!

CRY: as Harold struggles to come to terms with the impending death that awaits him!

Say AWWW!: as Harold discovers his love interest and rejects his boring bureacracy that formerly dominated his life!

I give this 8 "Wristwatches" out of 10...

Movie Review: The Pursuit of Happyness

2007-09-02T23:57:00.000-07:00

This is a heartbreaking movie. Having seen Will Smith in such comedy classics as The Fresh Prince of Bel Air TV show, and Men In Black, you wouldn't think his emotional range is that big. But in this film, about Chris Gardner, even he can make you teary.

Gardner's life as portrayed in this movie is a struggle between poverty and keeping enough face at the corporate company he works for to make an impression that lasts, so that he gets hired out of his internship, his only ticket out of financial destruction and homelessness.

Watch it. You have to. If you don't, you'll never know how fine the line is between survival and living below accepted standards of health, happiness, and love of life.

I give this 8 out of 10 "Bone Scan Machines".

Movie Review: The Simpsons Movie

2007-09-01T04:36:00.000-07:00

This movie, although entertaining, will not win an Oscar by any means. It is a remarkable technical acheivement, and many of the subplots are fun, but like many of the later Simpsons episodes, you either like them or you don't.

It's a good movie. I'm not saying it's bad, but it probably won't change the series all that much. A subplot development between Bart and Ned Flanders is one of the most interesting, just as memorable as the "Spider Pig" moments. After years of abuse, Bart is looking for a new father figure who respects him and his needs.

Social commentary about the environment and government power in crisis (possibly making a slight at the Hurricane Katrina crisis in New Orleans, when Springfield is "domed") is rife, and many of the witticisms bring deserved laughs.

I give it Three and a Half "Sprinkled Donuts" out of Five.

My APEC protest

2007-08-31T23:19:00.000-07:00

I'm moving my APEC protest, non-violent as it is, to my Blog, to avoid being hassled by policemen in the wake of John Howard's draconian terrorising of his own people.

I will not be beating up anybody, instead I post my words on my Blog, where I cannot be silenced.

http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/the-world-at-our-feet/2007/08/31/1188067367901.html

Here is the article about APEC, so you can make up your own mind.

Sincerely, TeenAuthor.

Back Again

2007-08-30T02:05:00.000-07:00

I passed my English Trial Exam.

I handed in my Visual Arts Body of Work.

And I'm completely OVER school in general.

More news as it develops.

Sincerely, TeenAuthor.

Very Busy! Can't Post for another Week

2007-08-22T01:37:00.000-07:00

I have been very busy on both my new book and my HSC Study. Will Return Soon.

- Jacob Martin, TeenAuthor.

Somebody bought a copy of MY BOOK!

2007-08-16T02:31:00.000-07:00

I have earned $1.45 in royalties from the sale of a copy of my book, Small Worlds: A Miscellany!

This might not seem like much, but this means two things:

1: People are actually able to buy my book off Lulu.com

and 2: Somebody, somewhere, is reading my book...

Buy your copy of Small Worlds: A Miscellany off my Lulu Shopfront:

http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=1187919

Sincerely, Jacob Martin, TeenAuthor.

Book Review: The Invention of Hugo Cabret

2007-08-14T04:53:00.001-07:00

This is a children's book unlike any other I've seen. The Invention of Hugo Cabret is a book about an orphan boy who tends the clocks of Paris, having learned the trade from his alcoholic Uncle, who has long been missing. He steals things not only to survive, as his Uncle cannot provide for him (he's missing, remember?), but also to repair the mysterious Automaton, a mechanical man which he found in the burnt out ruins of a museum, one of the clues to an unfolding mystery that has been driving him all his life.

The book has it all, serious yoink-ing (the avant-garde of thievery), the history of early cinema (and presented in a non-boring way), a French girl who has a taste for books, an old man who makes clockwork toys, and a guy with an eyepatch who befriends our protagonist.

I give this 9.5 "Clockwork Gears" out of 10, minus 1.5 for the constant thievery which may set a bad example for younger children.

Book Review: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

2007-08-12T09:23:00.000-07:00

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is like what the Moon Landing Footage in the 1960s was to that generation, only for our generation. In BOOK FORM. Hundreds of pages long, it is a mammoth epic, that leaves no questions unanswered about the characters. Wizards and Witches will die, One who cannot live while the other survives will fall, and an epic battle over many pages that left me half expecting King Leonidas from 300 to turn up to say "THIS... IS... HOGWARTS!", will blow your mind.

Unexpected plot twists are justified in this final Harry Potter installment, and do not feel unnecessary at all. Provided that nobody spoils this book for you (however, you will be pleasantly surprised), you will be shocked, relieved, shaked, rattled, and of course, Rolled, by J.K. Rowling's send off for the boy wizard that earned her millions.

I give this 10 out of 10 "Horcruxes".

Sincerely, Jacob Martin, TeenAuthor.

Boycott Angus & Robinson!

2007-08-12T02:53:00.000-07:00

http://www.smh.com.au/news/books/bookshop-chain-puts-bite-on-small-publishers/2007/08/07/1186252708854.html

This is an outrage to anybody who is an author and even a reader in the 21st Century, and if big business is charging big bucks for books to even be stocked on the shelves, don't support it.

There's always Dymocks and Borders and Kinokuniya instead.

Sincerely, Jacob Martin, TeenAuthor.

Almost Finished Reading Harry Potter 7

2007-08-12T02:43:00.000-07:00

Review (spoiler free) coming soon for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

Sincerely, Jacob Martin, TeenAuthor.